Gooooooooooooood morning peeps!
Tis the Dobmeister on this awesome Christmas week morn wi’ great news!
The Dobster has been asked to cast a trained and knowledgeable eye o’er the Christmas mad fixture list.
So let’s start with this final weekend of mayhem before the madness begins.
Saturday saw Mantreasurechester City prove the doubters wrong; the doubters who said that the title was a one horse race. They put a resilient but not-good-enough Chrysophase Palace to the sword, Silver-toed Silva bagging a brace and Yabba-yabba powering one home to show that City are beginning a return to top form just as the Christmas run-in begins. Beware the guys who have to take them on in the next few weeks!
Best Sham continued their excellent and unexpected form by putting 2 past Fester City for no reply, showing that all bets from the start of the season are definitely off, and anyone who tells you in May that they called it, are little liars!
BURnleY’s rise up the table stalled against Twittering Shitspurs, losing 2-1, although Spurs still don’t look convincing, whilst the Clarets are improving all the time. If Shaun Dick gets any money for Christmas to strengthen his squad, we may well see BURnleY become a perennial of the Prem. You heard it here first peeps!
Neverton started their Crimbo hols early and watched Louthampton put 3 into their net before somebody realised they should be on the pitch defending. Too late. One of the poorest performances of the season by a team that have been so inconsistent it beggars belief. If Roberteo Martini-shaken-not-stirred ain’t careful, he’ll be fighting a relegation battle. You heard it here first peeps!
Match of the day (pardon the pun) was at PQRSTU where they entertained Best Sandwich Albumen, and the rest of us in a game that you couldn’t take your eyes from. They eventually ran out 3-2 winners, but Alan Irvino probably cried into his wine afterwards wondering what the hell had happened. Again, a few bob in the Crimbo kitty for these 2 and it could make all the difference come April between a relegation battle and mid-table security. You heard it - you know the rest.
Dull City’s slide down the table continued at home as Onesie came to town and robbed all 3 points with a single goal. Brucie-bonus must be tearing his hair out. Attention now has nothing to do with the name change and everything to do with the shit performances and results. Watch your back Brucie…
Finally, and bizarrely, Nasty Vanilla managed to take the lead against a resurgent Man Reunited whose frontline have started to out-fire the opposition in a Brazil-type parody; due mainly to a shit defence. Even more bizarrely, £3 million a week superhero super-sub The Falcon finally stepped up with yet another lucky bounce of the ball to bag an equaliser as it deflected off his vast pockets and ego into Vanilla’s net. Luis Van Hire once more spouted bollocks afterwards, but Reunited’s resurgence can’t be ignored any longer. Still not contenders though.
Come Sunday (no, not a new dance show), we found the derby of the Mackems and Geordies which was fought with as much passion as ever. A passion that leads fans of both teams to actually refuse to watch the game as it’s too painful for them. That’s passion! A good tussle ensued with little in the way of entertainment for anyone outside of the area, but the Blunders finally put the Pewks out of their misery with a single goal at the death. Better get weeping into your brown ale boys! 4 in a row for the Blunders - they must love this fixture!
Final game of the weekend saw Ditherfool host Arse-nil in the most anticipated game of the weekend. Yet again the Dithers were toothless in attack and suspect in defence, a situation matched only by the Gunners’ own inability to live up to their expected performances. The Dithers somehow managed to get themselves ahead, before showing how shit they are at defending set pieces. The Arses then nicked the lead with Oliver Gourd - if he could be arsed to put some effort in for 90 minutes he could be a top class striker - finishing smartly past one of the worst Ditherfool keepers ever seen - the other was on the bench. Come in Petr Cheque - your time is now… It took Ince-Butcher-Skittlehead to grab an equaliser deep into stoppage time for the Dithers to take an important point back to the dressing room. Arsey Whinger was arsey afterwards, whilst Brenda Rogerer was as delusional as ever. Honours even, but no honour in whining bullshit excuses guys.
And then to Monday, and Chelski will no doubt destroy a frankly crap Steak City in their own house before returning home with all 3 points and the lead of the Prem as Christmas day approaches.
Here’s to the mad mayhem of the coming week peeps!
Can’t wait!
See ya on the other side of the Crimbo pud peeps!
Tara for now!
Sunday, 21 December 2014
Wednesday, 17 December 2014
The Grant Gurnhill football and mayhem blog.
Aye carumba peeps! A day late peeps but I’m back. Delays caused by man-flu have held me awesome blog up, but I’m back on form and firing on all cylinders! I reckon it were that designer lubricant that Barbie rubbed into me chest that did it. DKNYKY I think it were called…
Anyway, on wi’ the footie!
Aston Vanilla did Paul Lambretta no favours by playing with 10 men after Dickedson got himself sent off for a crazy challenge on Sausageson. They played most of the game that way against a frankly bloody poor Best Sandwich Albumen team that struggled, at home, to look like a Prem outfit. At this rate and with more performances like this, they soon won’t be. A scrappy goal by - of course - old Vanilla stalwart Constant Gardener saw off the Vanillans in the end, but the fans were robbed of their ticket price and any entertainment early on. It’ll be a Midlands relegation derby at this rate if they don’t sort themselves out.
As Best Sham took on Blunderland at the Stadium of Shite, reffing decisions and diving again reared their ugly heads. When Johnson&Johnson wa decapitated by William Wallace in the box, Big Spam obviously thought that the rain had wet the ref’s hair and blinded him, so he gave him the hairdryer from the touchline. To no avail, as the Blunders scored the pen and then proceeded to park 10 artics and a plastic pig in the goalmouth. Sham eventually broke through but ultimately left the north with a single point and frustrated as a pig in a poke.
At the Kung Po stadium, an under-par Mantreasurechester City struggled to break down another of the Prem’s lightweights in Fester City. They eventually broke the deadlock, but look like the injury list is beginning to rival their team list. It could be decisive in the coming weeks with key players down; it’ll be interesting to see what, if any, effect it has on the title race. Joseski must be silently laughing to himself.
Yet another lightweight draw was fought out between Chrysophase Palace and Steak City down in Londinium. Warring Wancock may be canny, but is he canny enough to keep Palace in the league another season? It remains to be seen peeps!
Dull City visited the bright lights of the capital and were given a lesson in how to play, as Chelski made easy work of a team devoid of much talent, and Tom Humberstone after his red card for naughtiness. Joseski played Tom Daly and his partner up front, and the canny little nipper proved effective at aquaplaning across the pitch on his belly after a double-pike and tuck combination. These tactics won’t gain them many admirers, but the ref gave them 6.3 for effort.
Shaun Dichs’ boys stayed home and picked Louthampton’s pocket of all three points. The Louts have dropped like a stone after a good start - we expected their games nearer to Christmas to get tougher and effect their league position with starting the season with easy fixtures, but to lose to a settling BURnleY side? The Flying Dutchman won’t have liked that. The Louts should be safe in mid-table by season’s end, but can BURnleY do the impossible and not get BURYed back in the Chumpionship next year? Oh, the excitement!
Pugilist Pards’ lot travelled to the Emeroids and got their resurgent arses handed to them by Arse-nil and a strangely firing Oliver Gourd. The guy’s an enigma. He looks like he can’t be arsed, but his finishing is top class. I seriously believe that if he could be bothered to put the effort in, he’d be a top class striker. Go figure… Arsey’s lot ran out 4-1 winners, proving that although they’ve been pretty
crap this season, there’s life in the old dog yet. As for Pewkastle - this ain’t a result to start the Christmas period with. Anyone for an early hangover?
If Pards was pissed, Brenda must have been paralytic by the time they left Old Shafted on Sunday. At least he won’t starve - not with the egg on his face and humble pie he’s been fed this season after selling Sewerage and ‘strengthening’ - pardon me while I laugh my socks off and back on again - his defence rather than buying a striker. Rely on one striker to remain fit all season so you can challenge for the title? The answer was there for all to see - Ditherfool pretty much played Man Reunited off the pitch on their own ground, and couldn’t finish. 3-0 didn’t flatter the Reunited strike-force which, to be honest, makes the Dither’s attack look like schoolboys. Even if Shazam Sterling is 20 now.
In Sunday’s other game, Onesie hit Twittering Shitspurs early in what was probably the most entertaining game of the weekend. Spurs eventually hit back, but no-one could be sure which way this one was going to turn before the end. And then the inevitable deja-vu moment. Have I said that before? Anyway, up pops Sony Erikson in the 89th minute yet again with a winner, and Spurs robbed the points, leaving Monkfish scratching his head as to how he didn’t have any points out of the afternoon’s efforts. That’s football Monkey!
Final game was on Monday night at ShouldISon?Park where PQRSTU were the visitors. Neverton took an age to settle, but gradually made 68% possession count when Barclaycard ran from the pie stand and smashed a leftie into the top corner. This still didn’t make the Toffees look safe, until Mirablis spotted that PQRSTU had put a Hobbit in the right side of the wall and as Bilbo tried desperately to nod the free-kick away, he inadvertently diverted it into the opposite corner. Bet Hairy Feet Gandalf Redcap confiscates his pipeweed… Going in 2-0 down at half-time seemed too much for the hoops, who managed to pull a goal back in the second half, but the damage was already done and Neverton eventually looked comfortable with 3 goals and 3 points to halt their slide down the table. Adelle Fatboy Tarabt needs to put down his microphone and pie and get back to training - Hairy Redcap will need him before the season’s out if this dross is all PQR can muster.
That’s it peeps for now!
Next week is the final weekend fixtures before the Christmas run-in to New Year - can’t wait!
With Mantreasurechester City and Chelski seemingly the only teams with any level of consistency in results (and City haven’t been that great), points and positions are gonna be up for grabs before New Year’s over. It’ll be interesting to see the shape of the table when this fortnight’s done and dusted - especially compared to its shape now!
I’m salivating already!
See ya later peeps!
Tara for now!
Anyway, on wi’ the footie!
Aston Vanilla did Paul Lambretta no favours by playing with 10 men after Dickedson got himself sent off for a crazy challenge on Sausageson. They played most of the game that way against a frankly bloody poor Best Sandwich Albumen team that struggled, at home, to look like a Prem outfit. At this rate and with more performances like this, they soon won’t be. A scrappy goal by - of course - old Vanilla stalwart Constant Gardener saw off the Vanillans in the end, but the fans were robbed of their ticket price and any entertainment early on. It’ll be a Midlands relegation derby at this rate if they don’t sort themselves out.
As Best Sham took on Blunderland at the Stadium of Shite, reffing decisions and diving again reared their ugly heads. When Johnson&Johnson wa decapitated by William Wallace in the box, Big Spam obviously thought that the rain had wet the ref’s hair and blinded him, so he gave him the hairdryer from the touchline. To no avail, as the Blunders scored the pen and then proceeded to park 10 artics and a plastic pig in the goalmouth. Sham eventually broke through but ultimately left the north with a single point and frustrated as a pig in a poke.
At the Kung Po stadium, an under-par Mantreasurechester City struggled to break down another of the Prem’s lightweights in Fester City. They eventually broke the deadlock, but look like the injury list is beginning to rival their team list. It could be decisive in the coming weeks with key players down; it’ll be interesting to see what, if any, effect it has on the title race. Joseski must be silently laughing to himself.
Yet another lightweight draw was fought out between Chrysophase Palace and Steak City down in Londinium. Warring Wancock may be canny, but is he canny enough to keep Palace in the league another season? It remains to be seen peeps!
Dull City visited the bright lights of the capital and were given a lesson in how to play, as Chelski made easy work of a team devoid of much talent, and Tom Humberstone after his red card for naughtiness. Joseski played Tom Daly and his partner up front, and the canny little nipper proved effective at aquaplaning across the pitch on his belly after a double-pike and tuck combination. These tactics won’t gain them many admirers, but the ref gave them 6.3 for effort.
Shaun Dichs’ boys stayed home and picked Louthampton’s pocket of all three points. The Louts have dropped like a stone after a good start - we expected their games nearer to Christmas to get tougher and effect their league position with starting the season with easy fixtures, but to lose to a settling BURnleY side? The Flying Dutchman won’t have liked that. The Louts should be safe in mid-table by season’s end, but can BURnleY do the impossible and not get BURYed back in the Chumpionship next year? Oh, the excitement!
Pugilist Pards’ lot travelled to the Emeroids and got their resurgent arses handed to them by Arse-nil and a strangely firing Oliver Gourd. The guy’s an enigma. He looks like he can’t be arsed, but his finishing is top class. I seriously believe that if he could be bothered to put the effort in, he’d be a top class striker. Go figure… Arsey’s lot ran out 4-1 winners, proving that although they’ve been pretty
crap this season, there’s life in the old dog yet. As for Pewkastle - this ain’t a result to start the Christmas period with. Anyone for an early hangover?
If Pards was pissed, Brenda must have been paralytic by the time they left Old Shafted on Sunday. At least he won’t starve - not with the egg on his face and humble pie he’s been fed this season after selling Sewerage and ‘strengthening’ - pardon me while I laugh my socks off and back on again - his defence rather than buying a striker. Rely on one striker to remain fit all season so you can challenge for the title? The answer was there for all to see - Ditherfool pretty much played Man Reunited off the pitch on their own ground, and couldn’t finish. 3-0 didn’t flatter the Reunited strike-force which, to be honest, makes the Dither’s attack look like schoolboys. Even if Shazam Sterling is 20 now.
In Sunday’s other game, Onesie hit Twittering Shitspurs early in what was probably the most entertaining game of the weekend. Spurs eventually hit back, but no-one could be sure which way this one was going to turn before the end. And then the inevitable deja-vu moment. Have I said that before? Anyway, up pops Sony Erikson in the 89th minute yet again with a winner, and Spurs robbed the points, leaving Monkfish scratching his head as to how he didn’t have any points out of the afternoon’s efforts. That’s football Monkey!
Final game was on Monday night at ShouldISon?Park where PQRSTU were the visitors. Neverton took an age to settle, but gradually made 68% possession count when Barclaycard ran from the pie stand and smashed a leftie into the top corner. This still didn’t make the Toffees look safe, until Mirablis spotted that PQRSTU had put a Hobbit in the right side of the wall and as Bilbo tried desperately to nod the free-kick away, he inadvertently diverted it into the opposite corner. Bet Hairy Feet Gandalf Redcap confiscates his pipeweed… Going in 2-0 down at half-time seemed too much for the hoops, who managed to pull a goal back in the second half, but the damage was already done and Neverton eventually looked comfortable with 3 goals and 3 points to halt their slide down the table. Adelle Fatboy Tarabt needs to put down his microphone and pie and get back to training - Hairy Redcap will need him before the season’s out if this dross is all PQR can muster.
That’s it peeps for now!
Next week is the final weekend fixtures before the Christmas run-in to New Year - can’t wait!
With Mantreasurechester City and Chelski seemingly the only teams with any level of consistency in results (and City haven’t been that great), points and positions are gonna be up for grabs before New Year’s over. It’ll be interesting to see the shape of the table when this fortnight’s done and dusted - especially compared to its shape now!
I’m salivating already!
See ya later peeps!
Tara for now!
Friday, 12 December 2014
The Grant Gurnhill football and mayhem blog.
Aye-carumba peeps! Tis Dobbio di Savageo ‘ere wi’ me Euro blog for t’week!
Tuesday night saw the first of the pointless games as Arse-nil travelled to Turkey to take on Gateausarray. Arse-nil were already through, Gateausarray would end the night and group stage with the second worst GD from all the groups, and it showed as they capitulated and Arse-nil finally played a game with confidence and swagger. If they played more like this in the Prem, they’d drop far less points. They eventually hammered the Turkeys 4 - 1, Kaaron Shamsey’s stunning strike from t’other side o’ the country being the pick o’ the bunch. Arsey still moaned afterwards, telling me ‘Dobbeeeee. Theez sandweeeeches are all Turkeeeee, and not a deeeelight at all.’ Whinging twat.
The night’s other tie was the car-crash we all expected what wi’ Ditherfool’s form at home this season, and particularly in the Chumpion’s League. Basil took zonal defending to an absurd level when their player, Cheatingbastardoffski felt a hand in his near proximity so fell to the ground as the Ditherfool player’s gravitational field re-arranged his face for him. Shocking. They need more officials around the pitch in my opinion… Playing uphill, with legs tied together, against a battalion, in a weather bomb would have been easier than the Dithers’ task at this moment of their season. They finally went behind as expected, and despite Stevie SlipperG (we don’t need him anymore - he’s past it. What we need is all these superstars that we paid big money for with the Suarez fee…) Sorry, I digress. Stevie slapped in an awesome freekick, showing Brenda and his trannie lovers just what they’re gonna miss when he tells them to stuff their shitty offer and retires at the end of the season. Shocking way to treat a legend. Chelski would never do that to one of their prodigal sons… So Ditherfool became the only Brit casualties of the group stage. Better concentrate on the league Brenda, because any team that spends the money that Twittering Shitspurs did has to be challenging for the title…Oh shit… I caught up with Brenda afterwards in the local trannie stripclub. ‘I could ‘ave bin a contender,’ he moaned to me drunkenly. Yeah right.
Wednesday saw Mantreasurechester City travel to Aroma, wi’ 3 teams tied on 5 points all wi’ a chance o’ going through t’knockout stages. City basically needed t’win this ‘un. Pelicani decided to field Nascari as a forward, seemingly throwing Aroma into confusion. In a hard fought contest Pelicani saw is weird tactic bear fruit as Nascari netted on the hour, leaving Aroma wi’ an even bigger uphill battle to qualify; would a draw be enough for any team in this group? Risky. Both teams had no choice but to go for the 3 pointer. Aroma’s pressure came to nothing as the inevitable breakaway saw Zabaglioni with a nosebleed in the area where he managed to net a second killer goal, leaving Aroman hearts broken and City fans aglow. The draw should be interesting… I spoke to Zabaglioni in the showers after the game. ‘Sorry Dob mate, but me bloody nose won’t stop bleeding. Pass the shampoo will ya’. Indeed I will, Pablo, indeed I will. And did.
In t’other game o’night, we saw Chelski travel pointlessly to Shamford Bridge to welcome Notsosporting. They should have both gone home then as Chelski had nothing to play for, and Notso had Notsomuchasachance. Joseki surprisingly picked a strong line-up, not opting for resting key players for the weekend. It paid dividends, even though all the win would do is send a message to the teams going into the next round that Chelski were serious about the trophy and weren’t taking prisoners. It only took 8 minutes for the Blues to gain a penalty and a 1 goal lead, which was doubled in another 8 minutes as the deadly German Andrew Shirker popped up to finish. Shortly after the break, Notso gave themself hope as Silva slivered in with a goal that Chelski extinguished within 6 minutes to effectively finish the tie. To be honest, it was a comfortable home tie for the Blues as
they march on with purpose to the knock-out stages. The draw should be really interesting… I spoke to Joseki after the post-match interviews had been concluded. ‘I hate the press in this country. But not you Dobbie. Can we have children together?’ Er, no.
And that’s it peeps! Another climatic climax to a Chumpion’s League gruelling group campaign. And so we enter the knock-out phase and the real candy of the sweet shop. 3 Brits in the final phase. Aye-carumba! Can’t wait!
Thursday night we moved on to the Europ-on-a-ropa League, where we found 3 more Brits battling for the next phase o’ the comp. Less battling and more a kick-about in truth as all 3 were guaranteed progression t’ next round, unless UEFA decide Twittering Shitspurs were naughty boys for pitch invaders last match. Wi’ those cheeky chappies in charge o’ rules an’ regs, anything is possible. I reckon a 12 grand fine should cover it…
And it’s to Shite Farm Lame we go first, where Twittering managed to yet again prove that 100 million spent don’t guarantee jack. After finally reaching the final whistle in possibly the longest game in footballing history - at least, it felt that way, Spurs lost to the odd goal in - er - one. Pottygeno met me in the bar after t’game, where he told me, ‘You know Dobbie, I wish I’d kept the receipts for this lot - that way I could get a refund.’ My thoughts exactly Potty.
Neverton hosted Krazydoor in a game that saw Roberteo Martini-shaken-not-stirred field his second string in a move that would have driven Joseki Chelski mad. Going down 1-0 left the Blues with no extra points, but with the top of the group position already secured, it was a good experience for the young bloods that will no doubt be Neverton’s future hope in years to come. Roberteo spoke to me after the final whistle. ‘Have you ever tried monkfish tails pan-fried with garlic Dobbie?’ Er, nope. Weirdo.
Last match report of the night was the craziest but most entertaining as Celtic faced the crazy Croats of that magician Dynamo. He must be earning good money to afford his own team! Celtic put in a good performance but 12 mad minutes saw them ship the 3 goals that ultimately cost them the tie, 4-3. Ronny Deal-or-no-deala lamented after the game, ‘I think the problem is that they scored more goals than we did, Dob. What do you think?’ I think you’re on a steep learning curve mate. Good luck wi’ that.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that’s it for this week peeps!
Last night’s results were irrelevant in the scheme of things as all 3 Brit teams qualified, joining the 3 from the Chumpion’s League to leave the land with a good half dozen teams in the knock-out phases of the 2 comps. That’s a good showing in anyone’s book.
And so we move to the sharp end of the European comps, where each game is the last if performances don’t match expectation. It’s time for the players to play and the managers to earn their salt. The next few months will show who is up to the job, and who is up the creek without a paddle.
One thing’s for sure peeps - it’s gonna be fun, it’s gonna be entertaining - and it’s gonna be nerve-shredding for some. Can’t wait!
I’ll be back next Tuesday wi’ me usual Prem round-up.
Tara till then peeps!
Tuesday night saw the first of the pointless games as Arse-nil travelled to Turkey to take on Gateausarray. Arse-nil were already through, Gateausarray would end the night and group stage with the second worst GD from all the groups, and it showed as they capitulated and Arse-nil finally played a game with confidence and swagger. If they played more like this in the Prem, they’d drop far less points. They eventually hammered the Turkeys 4 - 1, Kaaron Shamsey’s stunning strike from t’other side o’ the country being the pick o’ the bunch. Arsey still moaned afterwards, telling me ‘Dobbeeeee. Theez sandweeeeches are all Turkeeeee, and not a deeeelight at all.’ Whinging twat.
The night’s other tie was the car-crash we all expected what wi’ Ditherfool’s form at home this season, and particularly in the Chumpion’s League. Basil took zonal defending to an absurd level when their player, Cheatingbastardoffski felt a hand in his near proximity so fell to the ground as the Ditherfool player’s gravitational field re-arranged his face for him. Shocking. They need more officials around the pitch in my opinion… Playing uphill, with legs tied together, against a battalion, in a weather bomb would have been easier than the Dithers’ task at this moment of their season. They finally went behind as expected, and despite Stevie SlipperG (we don’t need him anymore - he’s past it. What we need is all these superstars that we paid big money for with the Suarez fee…) Sorry, I digress. Stevie slapped in an awesome freekick, showing Brenda and his trannie lovers just what they’re gonna miss when he tells them to stuff their shitty offer and retires at the end of the season. Shocking way to treat a legend. Chelski would never do that to one of their prodigal sons… So Ditherfool became the only Brit casualties of the group stage. Better concentrate on the league Brenda, because any team that spends the money that Twittering Shitspurs did has to be challenging for the title…Oh shit… I caught up with Brenda afterwards in the local trannie stripclub. ‘I could ‘ave bin a contender,’ he moaned to me drunkenly. Yeah right.
Wednesday saw Mantreasurechester City travel to Aroma, wi’ 3 teams tied on 5 points all wi’ a chance o’ going through t’knockout stages. City basically needed t’win this ‘un. Pelicani decided to field Nascari as a forward, seemingly throwing Aroma into confusion. In a hard fought contest Pelicani saw is weird tactic bear fruit as Nascari netted on the hour, leaving Aroma wi’ an even bigger uphill battle to qualify; would a draw be enough for any team in this group? Risky. Both teams had no choice but to go for the 3 pointer. Aroma’s pressure came to nothing as the inevitable breakaway saw Zabaglioni with a nosebleed in the area where he managed to net a second killer goal, leaving Aroman hearts broken and City fans aglow. The draw should be interesting… I spoke to Zabaglioni in the showers after the game. ‘Sorry Dob mate, but me bloody nose won’t stop bleeding. Pass the shampoo will ya’. Indeed I will, Pablo, indeed I will. And did.
In t’other game o’night, we saw Chelski travel pointlessly to Shamford Bridge to welcome Notsosporting. They should have both gone home then as Chelski had nothing to play for, and Notso had Notsomuchasachance. Joseki surprisingly picked a strong line-up, not opting for resting key players for the weekend. It paid dividends, even though all the win would do is send a message to the teams going into the next round that Chelski were serious about the trophy and weren’t taking prisoners. It only took 8 minutes for the Blues to gain a penalty and a 1 goal lead, which was doubled in another 8 minutes as the deadly German Andrew Shirker popped up to finish. Shortly after the break, Notso gave themself hope as Silva slivered in with a goal that Chelski extinguished within 6 minutes to effectively finish the tie. To be honest, it was a comfortable home tie for the Blues as
they march on with purpose to the knock-out stages. The draw should be really interesting… I spoke to Joseki after the post-match interviews had been concluded. ‘I hate the press in this country. But not you Dobbie. Can we have children together?’ Er, no.
And that’s it peeps! Another climatic climax to a Chumpion’s League gruelling group campaign. And so we enter the knock-out phase and the real candy of the sweet shop. 3 Brits in the final phase. Aye-carumba! Can’t wait!
Thursday night we moved on to the Europ-on-a-ropa League, where we found 3 more Brits battling for the next phase o’ the comp. Less battling and more a kick-about in truth as all 3 were guaranteed progression t’ next round, unless UEFA decide Twittering Shitspurs were naughty boys for pitch invaders last match. Wi’ those cheeky chappies in charge o’ rules an’ regs, anything is possible. I reckon a 12 grand fine should cover it…
And it’s to Shite Farm Lame we go first, where Twittering managed to yet again prove that 100 million spent don’t guarantee jack. After finally reaching the final whistle in possibly the longest game in footballing history - at least, it felt that way, Spurs lost to the odd goal in - er - one. Pottygeno met me in the bar after t’game, where he told me, ‘You know Dobbie, I wish I’d kept the receipts for this lot - that way I could get a refund.’ My thoughts exactly Potty.
Neverton hosted Krazydoor in a game that saw Roberteo Martini-shaken-not-stirred field his second string in a move that would have driven Joseki Chelski mad. Going down 1-0 left the Blues with no extra points, but with the top of the group position already secured, it was a good experience for the young bloods that will no doubt be Neverton’s future hope in years to come. Roberteo spoke to me after the final whistle. ‘Have you ever tried monkfish tails pan-fried with garlic Dobbie?’ Er, nope. Weirdo.
Last match report of the night was the craziest but most entertaining as Celtic faced the crazy Croats of that magician Dynamo. He must be earning good money to afford his own team! Celtic put in a good performance but 12 mad minutes saw them ship the 3 goals that ultimately cost them the tie, 4-3. Ronny Deal-or-no-deala lamented after the game, ‘I think the problem is that they scored more goals than we did, Dob. What do you think?’ I think you’re on a steep learning curve mate. Good luck wi’ that.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that’s it for this week peeps!
Last night’s results were irrelevant in the scheme of things as all 3 Brit teams qualified, joining the 3 from the Chumpion’s League to leave the land with a good half dozen teams in the knock-out phases of the 2 comps. That’s a good showing in anyone’s book.
And so we move to the sharp end of the European comps, where each game is the last if performances don’t match expectation. It’s time for the players to play and the managers to earn their salt. The next few months will show who is up to the job, and who is up the creek without a paddle.
One thing’s for sure peeps - it’s gonna be fun, it’s gonna be entertaining - and it’s gonna be nerve-shredding for some. Can’t wait!
I’ll be back next Tuesday wi’ me usual Prem round-up.
Tara till then peeps!
Tuesday, 9 December 2014
The Grant Gurnhill football and mayhem blog.
Wahay peeps! Tis I once more - Mr Dobbie McSavage esquire wi’ me awesome Prem roundup blog.
Straight into it peeps:
And we start with the shock of the day that came at Sports Direct Head Office, where the bizarre sight of poor defending by Chelski (!), was trumped by Cissy grabbing a brace (!), which was gazumped by Pugilist Pards’ Pewks winning a game (!), which was only topped by Chelski’s supposed Invincibles losing! Cue lots of ironic ‘anti-moaning’ by Joseki, and ‘underplayed-crowing’ by Pards. Yeah, right.
BURnleY returned to form as they travelled to Londinium, where PQRSTU ended their hopes of continuing their recent decent form. It’s gonna be a blue Christmas for the Clarets.
Second shocker of the day, and what would have been THE shocker if Chelski hadn’t capitulated at the capital of chavvy sporting goods, was Arse-nil coming unstuck against the mighty Steak City, who’ve struggled to buy 3 points off the traffic cops lately. Arsey Whinger was his normal pragmatic, open-minded self after the game, and Markus Huge’s eyes filled the screen they were so wide with shock. Scary!
Reffing decision of the day came not once, but three times at the Etmehat Stadium, where Andre Substandardmariner decided that football was no longer a contact sport and gifted Mantreasurechester City a penalty that even the Hubble telescope wouldn’t have seen. He also failed to send Bruce Lee Mangler off for mistaking the penalty box for a cage-fighting arena, and handed out a yellow card for diving to Tom Olympicdiver Barklaycard. Bizarre decisions indeed, though divers reap the penalties of Peter and the Wolf tactics in previous games, and so they should. So there! Bah humbug, Neverton!
I’m afraid I’m gonna paint now as I gloss over the no-score-bore-draws between Dull City and Best Sandwich Albumen, Ditherfool and Blunderland, and Twittering Shitspurs and Chrysophase Palace. Yawn. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Should’ve watched the bloody FA Cup instead.
Ironically, Not So Super Sunday’s fixtures lined up like a coat of emulsion on a concrete wall, so unappetising did they look. Especially after Saturday’s fixture list which failed to set the sports world alight. Oh foolish Dobbie - haven’t you learned yet not to judge an M Night Shitmegallon movie by the overhyped bullshit that proceeds the dross you eventually are fed? Obviously not, as I prepared for Sunday’s games with hot cocoa and a sleeping bag. Oh you fool, Dobster!
Wilfrid BoneyM extended his scoring run against West Sham in a cracking battle that was ended prematurely by a red card incident, that verily put Onesie on the back foot. Not to be out-done, Mandy Carroll moved his hairband from his Geordie LaForge look into his hair and promptly slammed a couple home - at last! Long last. Long, long last. Long, long, long last. Long, long, long, long last. Long - you get the point. Onesie rallied magnificently with 10 men but were eventually put out of Monkfish’s misery by a third for Sham, and Big Spam took all 3 points to the bar with him, to set on the mantle-piece next to 3rd place (for now). Where are the nay-sayers of last season now I ask? ‘Sack Spam’? Knobs.
The final game of the weekend saw more bizarre reffing decisions when Ali and Foreman were split up in the 6th round, but only one was sent to the dressing room. Oh how we love those precocious
refs. I wouldn’t say it spoilt a decent contest - but it spoilt a decent contest somewhat. Nasty Vanilla eventually sent Fester City packing back home more pointless than a Richard Osman game show. Lambretta lives to get sacked another day, but for Neil Pearshaped, how much longer can he survive this run of form?
In Monday’s game, the end of the week’s fixture list saw Lois Van Hire breathe a sigh of relief as Robbie Van Persil took Louthampton to the cleaners, despite a brave battle that saw his Dutch protégé breathe a similar exhalation of breath when Penn&Teller found the back of the net again. Reunited have turned their season around at last, the Louts are beginning to slip, and the table is looking tasty as we head into a juice-dripping Christmas fixture list. Yum Yum.
And remember, when I do my end-of-season look-back, I’ll be saying ‘I told you so’ several times. But ignoring all the many, many, many times I got it wrong. Of course peeps - it’s MY bloody blog!
See you’s Friday peeps wi’ me European football blog. It’s EPIC!
Tara for now!
Straight into it peeps:
And we start with the shock of the day that came at Sports Direct Head Office, where the bizarre sight of poor defending by Chelski (!), was trumped by Cissy grabbing a brace (!), which was gazumped by Pugilist Pards’ Pewks winning a game (!), which was only topped by Chelski’s supposed Invincibles losing! Cue lots of ironic ‘anti-moaning’ by Joseki, and ‘underplayed-crowing’ by Pards. Yeah, right.
BURnleY returned to form as they travelled to Londinium, where PQRSTU ended their hopes of continuing their recent decent form. It’s gonna be a blue Christmas for the Clarets.
Second shocker of the day, and what would have been THE shocker if Chelski hadn’t capitulated at the capital of chavvy sporting goods, was Arse-nil coming unstuck against the mighty Steak City, who’ve struggled to buy 3 points off the traffic cops lately. Arsey Whinger was his normal pragmatic, open-minded self after the game, and Markus Huge’s eyes filled the screen they were so wide with shock. Scary!
Reffing decision of the day came not once, but three times at the Etmehat Stadium, where Andre Substandardmariner decided that football was no longer a contact sport and gifted Mantreasurechester City a penalty that even the Hubble telescope wouldn’t have seen. He also failed to send Bruce Lee Mangler off for mistaking the penalty box for a cage-fighting arena, and handed out a yellow card for diving to Tom Olympicdiver Barklaycard. Bizarre decisions indeed, though divers reap the penalties of Peter and the Wolf tactics in previous games, and so they should. So there! Bah humbug, Neverton!
I’m afraid I’m gonna paint now as I gloss over the no-score-bore-draws between Dull City and Best Sandwich Albumen, Ditherfool and Blunderland, and Twittering Shitspurs and Chrysophase Palace. Yawn. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Should’ve watched the bloody FA Cup instead.
Ironically, Not So Super Sunday’s fixtures lined up like a coat of emulsion on a concrete wall, so unappetising did they look. Especially after Saturday’s fixture list which failed to set the sports world alight. Oh foolish Dobbie - haven’t you learned yet not to judge an M Night Shitmegallon movie by the overhyped bullshit that proceeds the dross you eventually are fed? Obviously not, as I prepared for Sunday’s games with hot cocoa and a sleeping bag. Oh you fool, Dobster!
Wilfrid BoneyM extended his scoring run against West Sham in a cracking battle that was ended prematurely by a red card incident, that verily put Onesie on the back foot. Not to be out-done, Mandy Carroll moved his hairband from his Geordie LaForge look into his hair and promptly slammed a couple home - at last! Long last. Long, long last. Long, long, long last. Long, long, long, long last. Long - you get the point. Onesie rallied magnificently with 10 men but were eventually put out of Monkfish’s misery by a third for Sham, and Big Spam took all 3 points to the bar with him, to set on the mantle-piece next to 3rd place (for now). Where are the nay-sayers of last season now I ask? ‘Sack Spam’? Knobs.
The final game of the weekend saw more bizarre reffing decisions when Ali and Foreman were split up in the 6th round, but only one was sent to the dressing room. Oh how we love those precocious
refs. I wouldn’t say it spoilt a decent contest - but it spoilt a decent contest somewhat. Nasty Vanilla eventually sent Fester City packing back home more pointless than a Richard Osman game show. Lambretta lives to get sacked another day, but for Neil Pearshaped, how much longer can he survive this run of form?
In Monday’s game, the end of the week’s fixture list saw Lois Van Hire breathe a sigh of relief as Robbie Van Persil took Louthampton to the cleaners, despite a brave battle that saw his Dutch protégé breathe a similar exhalation of breath when Penn&Teller found the back of the net again. Reunited have turned their season around at last, the Louts are beginning to slip, and the table is looking tasty as we head into a juice-dripping Christmas fixture list. Yum Yum.
And remember, when I do my end-of-season look-back, I’ll be saying ‘I told you so’ several times. But ignoring all the many, many, many times I got it wrong. Of course peeps - it’s MY bloody blog!
See you’s Friday peeps wi’ me European football blog. It’s EPIC!
Tara for now!
Thursday, 4 December 2014
The Grant Gurnhill football and mayhem blog.
OMG peeps! OMG! It’s Dobster ‘ere, back with me awesome blog! And this time it’s no normal blog - it’s a mental mega-midweek mega-blog!
Tonight we’re gonna be looking at not one game per Prem team - but two! Two peeps! We’ll be looking at the weekend’s games and the super midweek games from the last few nights!
So gird your loins peeps! It’s gonna get bumpy!
Arse-nil eventually managed to defeat an under-performing Best Sandwich Albumen, who are starting to look tired already, but on this showing Arse-nil are gonna have a long season of their own if they don't improve. Welbeckam seems to be the only player outside of Sanchopanza who can play - will Arsey Whinger ever learn? Probably not.
BURnleY continued their rise from the ashes by taking points off Aston Vanilla - or was it the other way around? The BURY wanna-bes are starting to look like they’ll survive the season if they can keep this run of results going into the New Year, and results carry on going badly for some of the other relegation contenders. Can the BURns bamboozle us all come May? Watch this space… And then, come Tuesday night, The BURns did it again to the Pewks of Pards, taking a good 2 points from the travelling Geordies. Oh, Mikecrophone LauraAshley, where have all your superstars gone…
Ditherfool plundered all 3 points off Steak City at Spamfield in a last-minute smash-and-grab to leave Markus Huge boiling. Brenda’s sweat stains were extremely pungent at the end of this, and his relief at not having to attend the Jobcentre on Monday morning was palpable. And then, come Tuesday night, Brenda’s smile was larger than the one when he discovered free access to transvetitesRus.com. 3 goals and 3 points went winging their way up the M62 to Liverpool, whilst Fester were left licking their wounds, one eye on the weekend’s tough ask.
Manchester Reunited started to look like they were reunited at last, rather than a bunch of related strangers thrown together in a lifeboat. Looney seems to have rediscovered his mojo, and Van Persil is starting to clean up in front of goal again. Is this the beginning of the long overdue resurrection? Hmmm. Not so sure. The jury is out on that one peeps. Dull are definitely on the slide at the moment though, and with the usual heavy Christmas fixture list looming on the horizon, I’d be worried if I was a Tiger. And then, come Tuesday night, Reunited did it all again to Steak, shading the points against old boy Markus Huge. Back near the top of the table, players starting to tick again - can Reunited do the impossible and prove Van Hire right? No.
Two teams that are starting to buck the trend of the relegation end of the table fought out a staggeringly good contest which saw PQRSTU emerge the victors at Fester City’s expense. Keep on playing like this guys and you’ll be safe by Feb. It was good to see some old fashioned battling football being played, and refreshing to see a referee allow it to go ahead without screwing it up for all concerned. Well done all concerned!
Adversely, Onesie’s slide and Chrysophase Palace’s demi-rise found honours even in Wales, a situation more favourable to Palace than the Welshmen. Nerves are starting to jangle in the Black Hills methinks… And then, come Tuesday night, Palace’s previous point became even more crucial as they managed to be turned over at home by a travelling Aston Vanilla team that went home as wide-eyed and shell-shocked as Warnocker’s lot at the result. Lambreta still in a job come New Year? Stranger things have happened peeps. Meanwhile, Onesie managed to go home, man the barricades and halt the downward spiral as PQRSTU came visiting, to leave empty-handed. The clean sheet will also help Monkfish’s team as well, where regaining confidence will matter. Not so for the London mob.
Big Spam’s meteoric return to life from the death the Bubbles’ fans wished for last season continued apac
e as he watched his West Sham line-up against the Pewks of Pewkcastle and take all 3 points and a clean sheet. Pugilist Pardew must be scratching his head at the sudden halt to the Pewks own rise. Go figure Al. And then, come Tuesday night, the final game of the evening saw Big Spam shovel up yet more points, away from home at Best Sandwich Albumen. Albumen continue their freefall but the big question is - Who can stop the West Shambles? Who indeed…
The final game of Saturday, and perhaps the biggest surprise of the day saw Chelski maintain their unbeaten record, but at the expense of 2 dropped points against a Blunderland side that couldn’t buy a win in a dodgy Asian betting scam. This season is definitely turning into the most bizarre, results-wise, of any in recent memory. The season finale the other year when Mantreasurechester City won so close to the final whistle may be the best finish ever, but at this rate, we’ll be seeing similar shenanigans next May if these results keep piling up. And then, come Tuesday night, Chelski romped on with their unbeaten record, slaying an impotent Twittering Shitspurs who limped home licking their wounds. The quality showed Shitspurs up for the gap there is between these 2 teams. Back to the drawing board for PottyGeno.
Sunday saw a resurgent and settling Mantreasurechester City destroy a suddenly stumbling Louthampton team who are starting to look less confident after quite an easy early fixture list. Too many losses to the real big-boys in the next month, and I can see them dropping down the table like a stone. They need a big result in mid-week to avoid a big knock to their confidence. But don’t put it past these boys, with the quality they’ve got. The only other result of this game was the bizarre and blind refereeing of Blind Melon (or whatever the ref’s name was - his performance was only memorable for the ridiculously ludicrous decisions). Expect to see a diving yellow rescinded later this week. And then, come Tuesday night, Louthampton were robbed at the last gasp by Alex-kid Sanchopanza - can anyone stop this guy scoring? Not on this form. The Louts must be kicking themselves after such a game, to walk away from the Emiroids with nothing to show for their efforts. See this tiny violin?
The final game of the weekend saw another battle royal between Neverton at Shite Fart Lame, where the refereeing once more screwed the away team, failing to give a stone-wall second yellow, a penalty, an offside goal and CPR on his own career. Twittering Shitspurs left it late again but walked away with 3 points whilst Roberteo Martini-shaken-not-stirred was left scratching his head yet again. At this rate he’ll be bald by Christmas. And then, come Tuesday night, Neverton’s nightmare’s at home continued as they let 2 points drop as, after gifting Dull the ball all night, they gifted them a point that Brucie-bonus’s cut-price squad will have cuddled all the way home with glee. Martini-shaken-not-stirred’s bald spot grows faster than Jordan’s wedding dress collection…
The final game of mid- week saw a startled Blunderland take the early lead against a mis-firing Mantreasurechester City. Always dangerous to score too early against quality. This spurred City into waking up, strapping on their boots and proceeding to turn on a dazzling display of talent and control that left The Blunders in tears of frustration and amazement. City’s display left The Blunders staggering around in a blur of a daze of a kicking of an arse-spankingly bemused state that was still sinking in as City boarded the bus and set off back to Mantreasurechester. Chelski had better watch out - Joseski’s lot may be unbeaten so far, but City are Champions for a reason, and they’re starting to fire on all cylinders. Ominous for the rest of the contenders…
Phew! With that lot done and dusted peeps, we’ve only 2 more days till weekend fixtures kick-in. Let’s hope those games continue the season’s trend so far of bizarre and remarkable results. It’ll be interesting in May to revisit me predictions at start o’ season and see how close, or (more likely) how incredibly far wide of the mark I were! Can’t wait!
And on that bombshell peeps, it’s time for me return to jungle.
Come on Barbie - it’s time for tonight’s Bush-tucker Trial.
Tonight is an eating trial in the Bedroom of Bedlam.
Get ready to gird my loins girl!
Woof!
Tonight we’re gonna be looking at not one game per Prem team - but two! Two peeps! We’ll be looking at the weekend’s games and the super midweek games from the last few nights!
So gird your loins peeps! It’s gonna get bumpy!
Arse-nil eventually managed to defeat an under-performing Best Sandwich Albumen, who are starting to look tired already, but on this showing Arse-nil are gonna have a long season of their own if they don't improve. Welbeckam seems to be the only player outside of Sanchopanza who can play - will Arsey Whinger ever learn? Probably not.
BURnleY continued their rise from the ashes by taking points off Aston Vanilla - or was it the other way around? The BURY wanna-bes are starting to look like they’ll survive the season if they can keep this run of results going into the New Year, and results carry on going badly for some of the other relegation contenders. Can the BURns bamboozle us all come May? Watch this space… And then, come Tuesday night, The BURns did it again to the Pewks of Pards, taking a good 2 points from the travelling Geordies. Oh, Mikecrophone LauraAshley, where have all your superstars gone…
Ditherfool plundered all 3 points off Steak City at Spamfield in a last-minute smash-and-grab to leave Markus Huge boiling. Brenda’s sweat stains were extremely pungent at the end of this, and his relief at not having to attend the Jobcentre on Monday morning was palpable. And then, come Tuesday night, Brenda’s smile was larger than the one when he discovered free access to transvetitesRus.com. 3 goals and 3 points went winging their way up the M62 to Liverpool, whilst Fester were left licking their wounds, one eye on the weekend’s tough ask.
Manchester Reunited started to look like they were reunited at last, rather than a bunch of related strangers thrown together in a lifeboat. Looney seems to have rediscovered his mojo, and Van Persil is starting to clean up in front of goal again. Is this the beginning of the long overdue resurrection? Hmmm. Not so sure. The jury is out on that one peeps. Dull are definitely on the slide at the moment though, and with the usual heavy Christmas fixture list looming on the horizon, I’d be worried if I was a Tiger. And then, come Tuesday night, Reunited did it all again to Steak, shading the points against old boy Markus Huge. Back near the top of the table, players starting to tick again - can Reunited do the impossible and prove Van Hire right? No.
Two teams that are starting to buck the trend of the relegation end of the table fought out a staggeringly good contest which saw PQRSTU emerge the victors at Fester City’s expense. Keep on playing like this guys and you’ll be safe by Feb. It was good to see some old fashioned battling football being played, and refreshing to see a referee allow it to go ahead without screwing it up for all concerned. Well done all concerned!
Adversely, Onesie’s slide and Chrysophase Palace’s demi-rise found honours even in Wales, a situation more favourable to Palace than the Welshmen. Nerves are starting to jangle in the Black Hills methinks… And then, come Tuesday night, Palace’s previous point became even more crucial as they managed to be turned over at home by a travelling Aston Vanilla team that went home as wide-eyed and shell-shocked as Warnocker’s lot at the result. Lambreta still in a job come New Year? Stranger things have happened peeps. Meanwhile, Onesie managed to go home, man the barricades and halt the downward spiral as PQRSTU came visiting, to leave empty-handed. The clean sheet will also help Monkfish’s team as well, where regaining confidence will matter. Not so for the London mob.
Big Spam’s meteoric return to life from the death the Bubbles’ fans wished for last season continued apac
e as he watched his West Sham line-up against the Pewks of Pewkcastle and take all 3 points and a clean sheet. Pugilist Pardew must be scratching his head at the sudden halt to the Pewks own rise. Go figure Al. And then, come Tuesday night, the final game of the evening saw Big Spam shovel up yet more points, away from home at Best Sandwich Albumen. Albumen continue their freefall but the big question is - Who can stop the West Shambles? Who indeed…
The final game of Saturday, and perhaps the biggest surprise of the day saw Chelski maintain their unbeaten record, but at the expense of 2 dropped points against a Blunderland side that couldn’t buy a win in a dodgy Asian betting scam. This season is definitely turning into the most bizarre, results-wise, of any in recent memory. The season finale the other year when Mantreasurechester City won so close to the final whistle may be the best finish ever, but at this rate, we’ll be seeing similar shenanigans next May if these results keep piling up. And then, come Tuesday night, Chelski romped on with their unbeaten record, slaying an impotent Twittering Shitspurs who limped home licking their wounds. The quality showed Shitspurs up for the gap there is between these 2 teams. Back to the drawing board for PottyGeno.
Sunday saw a resurgent and settling Mantreasurechester City destroy a suddenly stumbling Louthampton team who are starting to look less confident after quite an easy early fixture list. Too many losses to the real big-boys in the next month, and I can see them dropping down the table like a stone. They need a big result in mid-week to avoid a big knock to their confidence. But don’t put it past these boys, with the quality they’ve got. The only other result of this game was the bizarre and blind refereeing of Blind Melon (or whatever the ref’s name was - his performance was only memorable for the ridiculously ludicrous decisions). Expect to see a diving yellow rescinded later this week. And then, come Tuesday night, Louthampton were robbed at the last gasp by Alex-kid Sanchopanza - can anyone stop this guy scoring? Not on this form. The Louts must be kicking themselves after such a game, to walk away from the Emiroids with nothing to show for their efforts. See this tiny violin?
The final game of the weekend saw another battle royal between Neverton at Shite Fart Lame, where the refereeing once more screwed the away team, failing to give a stone-wall second yellow, a penalty, an offside goal and CPR on his own career. Twittering Shitspurs left it late again but walked away with 3 points whilst Roberteo Martini-shaken-not-stirred was left scratching his head yet again. At this rate he’ll be bald by Christmas. And then, come Tuesday night, Neverton’s nightmare’s at home continued as they let 2 points drop as, after gifting Dull the ball all night, they gifted them a point that Brucie-bonus’s cut-price squad will have cuddled all the way home with glee. Martini-shaken-not-stirred’s bald spot grows faster than Jordan’s wedding dress collection…
The final game of mid- week saw a startled Blunderland take the early lead against a mis-firing Mantreasurechester City. Always dangerous to score too early against quality. This spurred City into waking up, strapping on their boots and proceeding to turn on a dazzling display of talent and control that left The Blunders in tears of frustration and amazement. City’s display left The Blunders staggering around in a blur of a daze of a kicking of an arse-spankingly bemused state that was still sinking in as City boarded the bus and set off back to Mantreasurechester. Chelski had better watch out - Joseski’s lot may be unbeaten so far, but City are Champions for a reason, and they’re starting to fire on all cylinders. Ominous for the rest of the contenders…
Phew! With that lot done and dusted peeps, we’ve only 2 more days till weekend fixtures kick-in. Let’s hope those games continue the season’s trend so far of bizarre and remarkable results. It’ll be interesting in May to revisit me predictions at start o’ season and see how close, or (more likely) how incredibly far wide of the mark I were! Can’t wait!
And on that bombshell peeps, it’s time for me return to jungle.
Come on Barbie - it’s time for tonight’s Bush-tucker Trial.
Tonight is an eating trial in the Bedroom of Bedlam.
Get ready to gird my loins girl!
Woof!
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