The Grant Gurnhill football and mayhem blog.

Gooooooooooooood morning peeps!
Tis the Dobmeister on this awesome Christmas week morn wi’ great news!
The Dobster has been asked to cast a trained and knowledgeable eye o’er the Christmas mad fixture list.
So let’s start with this final weekend of mayhem before the madness begins.
Saturday saw Mantreasurechester City prove the doubters wrong; the doubters who said that the title was a one horse race. They put a resilient but not-good-enough Chrysophase Palace to the sword, Silver-toed Silva bagging a brace and Yabba-yabba powering one home to show that City are beginning a return to top form just as the Christmas run-in begins. Beware the guys who have to take them on in the next few weeks!
Best Sham continued their excellent and unexpected form by putting 2 past Fester City for no reply, showing that all bets from the start of the season are definitely off, and anyone who tells you in May that they called it, are little liars!
BURnleY’s rise up the table stalled against Twittering Shitspurs, losing 2-1, although Spurs still don’t look convincing, whilst the Clarets are improving all the time. If Shaun Dick gets any money for Christmas to strengthen his squad, we may well see BURnleY become a perennial of the Prem. You heard it here first peeps!
Neverton started their Crimbo hols early and watched Louthampton put 3 into their net before somebody realised they should be on the pitch defending. Too late. One of the poorest performances of the season by a team that have been so inconsistent it beggars belief. If Roberteo Martini-shaken-not-stirred ain’t careful, he’ll be fighting a relegation battle. You heard it here first peeps!
Match of the day (pardon the pun) was at PQRSTU where they entertained Best Sandwich Albumen, and the rest of us in a game that you couldn’t take your eyes from. They eventually ran out 3-2 winners, but Alan Irvino probably cried into his wine afterwards wondering what the hell had happened. Again, a few bob in the Crimbo kitty for these 2 and it could make all the difference come April between a relegation battle and mid-table security. You heard it - you know the rest.
Dull City’s slide down the table continued at home as Onesie came to town and robbed all 3 points with a single goal. Brucie-bonus must be tearing his hair out. Attention now has nothing to do with the name change and everything to do with the shit performances and results. Watch your back Brucie…
Finally, and bizarrely, Nasty Vanilla managed to take the lead against a resurgent Man Reunited whose frontline have started to out-fire the opposition in a Brazil-type parody; due mainly to a shit defence. Even more bizarrely, £3 million a week superhero super-sub The Falcon finally stepped up with yet another lucky bounce of the ball to bag an equaliser as it deflected off his vast pockets and ego into Vanilla’s net. Luis Van Hire once more spouted bollocks afterwards, but Reunited’s resurgence can’t be ignored any longer. Still not contenders though.
Come Sunday (no, not a new dance show), we found the derby of the Mackems and Geordies which was fought with as much passion as ever. A passion that leads fans of both teams to actually refuse to watch the game as it’s too painful for them. That’s passion! A good tussle ensued with little in the way of entertainment for anyone outside of the area, but the Blunders finally put the Pewks out of their misery with a single goal at the death. Better get weeping into your brown ale boys! 4 in a row for the Blunders - they must love this fixture!
Final game of the weekend saw Ditherfool host Arse-nil in the most anticipated game of the weekend. Yet again the Dithers were toothless in attack and suspect in defence, a situation matched only by the Gunners’ own inability to live up to their expected performances. The Dithers somehow managed to get themselves ahead, before showing how shit they are at defending set pieces. The Arses then nicked the lead with Oliver Gourd - if he could be arsed to put some effort in for 90 minutes he could be a top class striker - finishing smartly past one of the worst Ditherfool keepers ever seen - the other was on the bench. Come in Petr Cheque - your time is now… It took Ince-Butcher-Skittlehead to grab an equaliser deep into stoppage time for the Dithers to take an important point back to the dressing room. Arsey Whinger was arsey afterwards, whilst Brenda Rogerer was as delusional as ever. Honours even, but no honour in whining bullshit excuses guys.
And then to Monday, and Chelski will no doubt destroy a frankly crap Steak City in their own house before returning home with all 3 points and the lead of the Prem as Christmas day approaches.
Here’s to the mad mayhem of the coming week peeps!
Can’t wait!
See ya on the other side of the Crimbo pud peeps!
Tara for now!