The GrantGurnhill football, music and mayhem blog

Dobbie Savage:


Wahay and welcome back peeps!
First this week, I hear that massive Mantreasurechester City fan, Liam McGallagher has taken up backwards running – so now his fitness regime is going the same direction as his music career since Oasis split!
The old El Clasico! What an outstanding example of two technically adept teams taking each other on – a real Classic! - ruined at full time though when John Terry ran onto the pitch in a Barcelona kit!
I’m not saying that he’s getting past it, but from watching his defending ability lately, if Rio Ferdinand was electricity he'd be static...
Meanwhile, in Slim Shady's La Liga, will the Real Madrid please stand up, please stand up, please stand up, please stand up: preferably before your ageing team dies of embarrassment.
After watching the rigmarole surrounding fans hiring planes to buzz Old Trafford and abuse McMoyesy - Stop press - Man Utd supporters revealed as the most patient and tolerant, and most prone to remember the history of their own club - Alex F
And that’s it for this here week me old muckers!
Tatty baaaaaaa for naaaaaaaaa!


An apology to Simon ‘daddy daddy’ Cowell. We would like to apologise unreservedly to Mr Cowell for any distress we may have caused him during our profile of him last week. We used various words and phrases during our report to describe the media mogul, including vain, narcissistic, ego-led, conceited, self-satisfied, pretentious, pointless, hollow, shallow, vacuous, egocentric and exhibitionist, as well as saying that he would never marry because he could never find anyone who loved him as much as he loves himself. Well, since our
broadcast, Mr Cowell’s lawyer has been in touch with the blog to protest. Apparently we failed to describe his client as ‘God-like’. Sorry.

We turn now to the never-ending debate in the sport known as Foot-ball – that perennial of video technology, as in Rugby and Cricket, to support the match official’s decision-making, and the governing body’s seeming reluctance to embrace it in pursuit of fair and proper judgements within the beautiful game. Here with a special interview with the enigmatic FIFA president, Sepp Blatter, is our chief sports correspondent, Justin De Bakodinett
JDB: Joining me now is FIFA President Joseph ‘Sepp’ Blatter
Sepp Blatter: Hello human
JDB: Erm, indeed. Now, Mr Blatter, you’ve travelled a long way today to defend your position on video technology.
Sepp Blatter: Yes. I have come from the past, to destroy the future.
JDB: Sorry?
Sepp Blatter: It is my mission to stop the machines.
JDB: Oh. Aren’t you a little concerned that many people would see that as modern day Luddism?
Sepp Blatter: No.
JDB: Not a little?
Sepp Blatter: No.
JDB: Why not?
Sepp Blatter: Let me explain a little of FIFA’s history. In the Year of Darkness, 1936, the rulers of football devised the ultimate plan. They would reshape the Future by changing nothing. The plan required something that felt no pity. No pain. No fear. Something unstoppable. They created 'THE TEAMINATOR'. The thing that won't die, in the nightmare that won't end.
JDB: And that’s – you?
Sepp Blatter: Ja
JDB: But surely it’s time that football moved into the 21st century and embraced technology, otherwise unfair decisions will continue to destroy the reputation of FIFA and stop teams from –
Sepp Blatter: Puny human – you know nothing.
JDB: Sorry?
Sepp Blatter: We must be merciless in our war against the machines. If we are not vigilant, those bleeding hearts will allow technology to run amok.
JDB: This opinion is exactly why many people would accuse FIFA of being a totalitarian organisation. What would you say to those people?
Sepp Blatter: I know where you live.
JDB: So you’re happy to be viewed as trying to instigate a dystopian game where fair play takes second place to paranoia over modern technology?
Sepp Blatter: Of course – I’m Swiss - if my own country cannot win the world cup – then nobody shall! Mwahahahahahahaaaaaa!



This week we raise a glass of vino to Mickey Duff – the boxing promoter. He’s finally out for the count – here’s a tot to you Mickey!
Finally, we leave with the wise words of Oliver Herford ringing in our ears:
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.