Welcome, welcome, welcome to the wonderful sunny Scunny Gardens.
First topic for perusal on the mower of decimation is that the arguments over Scottish independence are heating up – the SNP has put Trident at the heart of the issue, which has proved a problem with David Cumeron who insists that he will always prefer Wrigley’s Spearmint…
Meanwhile, the main contentious issue in this debate is quickly becoming that of the NHS in Scotland stopping acne treatment in the near future. Fervent supporters of Scottish nationalism, led by firebrand activist Bravefart insist that no matter what they take, they’ll never take their Freederm…
Meanwhile, on the Sir Patrick Mower, has anyone seen the red moon this week? UnAtletico Madrid striker Diego Costacoffee certainly did… check out the link below for his classic penalty miss when an arse appeared and helped him arse it up – England are preparing full nationality for him ready for the World Cup quarter final shoot-outs…
Now, over to the potting shed of pottiness and our resident narcissist – I mean, footballroom pundit, Dobbie Savage!
Eh up and cheers Russ!
Contract news first folks.
Phil JonestheSteam has just signed a new contract with Man Reunited by the looks of it – never mind Phil; the pain won’t last long - after this season your career will soon be over…
Alan PuncherPardew eats his words as NewcastleBrownShite struggle against the odds…
Meanwhile, Bra-zil releases details of its new squad of ballboys for the upcoming World Cup tournament – I guess we know why the England team will keep missing the target all the time…
Can we have our ball back miss? Schwing!
Breaking news: Big Sam Westhamgee points Arsey Whinger in the direction of the Europa League, mere seconds before Lucas NotPolski scores. D’oh!
I’m rather hoping that me old mate and mucker Stevie 4G will finally see his dream come true and finally win the league this season. He’s the only player to score in the League Cup, FA Cup, European Cup and Champion’s League finals. Well done Stevie! And he’s that grounded that he’s never forgotten his roots… D’oh!
I see that The Fishy One, Oscar Piscatorius, has finally found a straw to clutch at in his defence. Apparently the Prosecution have called Arsey Whinger the Arse-nil manager as witness against him. As anyone outside Sout Atrica knows, Arsey never sees anything... D'oh!
Breaking news! The Basketloaners have stopped loaning their baskets and are now giving their trophies away! Not content with dropping out of Europe this week, they've just lost the Lana Del Rey final to Real Mildred. Pip Guacamole must be kicking himself for leaving - not. Well, he left for a new challenge - come back next season and sort this shambles out Pip - you won't find a bigger challenge next season mate...
Meanwhile, after justifying a price-tag more loopy than Mandy Carrol's and Nando Torrid's put together by winning the Lana Del Rey final single-11-man-handed, Garth Bale-out-of-spurs-as-fast-as-you-can had this to say:
"Cheeeese Gromit!!!!"
Finally, on the week of remembrance for Hillsborough, we leave you with the wise words of Robbie that sum up the true friendship of real football fans everywhere. Justice for the 96. YNWA.
See ya soon peeps!
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