The Grant Gurnhill football and mayhem blog.

OMG peeps! OMG! It’s Dobster ‘ere, back with me awesome blog! And this time it’s no normal blog - it’s a mental mega-midweek mega-blog!
Tonight we’re gonna be looking at not one game per Prem team - but two! Two peeps! We’ll be looking at the weekend’s games and the super midweek games from the last few nights!
So gird your loins peeps! It’s gonna get bumpy!
Arse-nil eventually managed to defeat an under-performing Best Sandwich Albumen, who are starting to look tired already, but on this showing Arse-nil are gonna have a long season of their own if they don't improve. Welbeckam seems to be the only player outside of Sanchopanza who can play - will Arsey Whinger ever learn? Probably not.

BURnleY continued their rise from the ashes by taking points off Aston Vanilla - or was it the other way around? The BURY wanna-bes are starting to look like they’ll survive the season if they can keep this run of results going into the New Year, and results carry on going badly for some of the other relegation contenders. Can the BURns bamboozle us all come May? Watch this space… And then, come Tuesday night, The BURns did it again to the Pewks of Pards, taking a good 2 points from the travelling Geordies. Oh, Mikecrophone LauraAshley, where have all your superstars gone…

Ditherfool plundered all 3 points off Steak City at Spamfield in a last-minute smash-and-grab to leave Markus Huge boiling. Brenda’s sweat stains were extremely pungent at the end of this, and his relief at not having to attend the Jobcentre on Monday morning was palpable. And then, come Tuesday night, Brenda’s smile was larger than the one when he discovered free access to transvetitesRus.com. 3 goals and 3 points went winging their way up the M62 to Liverpool, whilst Fester were left licking their wounds, one eye on the weekend’s tough ask.

Manchester Reunited started to look like they were reunited at last, rather than a bunch of related strangers thrown together in a lifeboat. Looney seems to have rediscovered his mojo, and Van Persil is starting to clean up in front of goal again. Is this the beginning of the long overdue resurrection? Hmmm. Not so sure. The jury is out on that one peeps. Dull are definitely on the slide at the moment though, and with the usual heavy Christmas fixture list looming on the horizon, I’d be worried if I was a Tiger. And then, come Tuesday night, Reunited did it all again to Steak, shading the points against old boy Markus Huge. Back near the top of the table, players starting to tick again - can Reunited do the impossible and prove Van Hire right? No.

Two teams that are starting to buck the trend of the relegation end of the table fought out a staggeringly good contest which saw PQRSTU emerge the victors at Fester City’s expense. Keep on playing like this guys and you’ll be safe by Feb. It was good to see some old fashioned battling football being played, and refreshing to see a referee allow it to go ahead without screwing it up for all concerned. Well done all concerned!

Adversely, Onesie’s slide and Chrysophase Palace’s demi-rise found honours even in Wales, a situation more favourable to Palace than the Welshmen. Nerves are starting to jangle in the Black Hills methinks… And then, come Tuesday night, Palace’s previous point became even more crucial as they managed to be turned over at home by a travelling Aston Vanilla team that went home as wide-eyed and shell-shocked as Warnocker’s lot at the result. Lambreta still in a job come New Year? Stranger things have happened peeps. Meanwhile, Onesie managed to go home, man the barricades and halt the downward spiral as PQRSTU came visiting, to leave empty-handed. The clean sheet will also help Monkfish’s team as well, where regaining confidence will matter. Not so for the London mob.

Big Spam’s meteoric return to life from the death the Bubbles’ fans wished for last season continued apac
e as he watched his West Sham line-up against the Pewks of Pewkcastle and take all 3 points and a clean sheet. Pugilist Pardew must be scratching his head at the sudden halt to the Pewks own rise. Go figure Al. And then, come Tuesday night, the final game of the evening saw Big Spam shovel up yet more points, away from home at Best Sandwich Albumen. Albumen continue their freefall but the big question is - Who can stop the West Shambles? Who indeed…

The final game of Saturday, and perhaps the biggest surprise of the day saw Chelski maintain their unbeaten record, but at the expense of 2 dropped points against a Blunderland side that couldn’t buy a win in a dodgy Asian betting scam. This season is definitely turning into the most bizarre, results-wise, of any in recent memory. The season finale the other year when Mantreasurechester City won so close to the final whistle may be the best finish ever, but at this rate, we’ll be seeing similar shenanigans next May if these results keep piling up. And then, come Tuesday night, Chelski romped on with their unbeaten record, slaying an impotent Twittering Shitspurs who limped home licking their wounds. The quality showed Shitspurs up for the gap there is between these 2 teams. Back to the drawing board for PottyGeno.

Sunday saw a resurgent and settling Mantreasurechester City destroy a suddenly stumbling Louthampton team who are starting to look less confident after quite an easy early fixture list. Too many losses to the real big-boys in the next month, and I can see them dropping down the table like a stone. They need a big result in mid-week to avoid a big knock to their confidence. But don’t put it past these boys, with the quality they’ve got. The only other result of this game was the bizarre and blind refereeing of Blind Melon (or whatever the ref’s name was - his performance was only memorable for the ridiculously ludicrous decisions). Expect to see a diving yellow rescinded later this week. And then, come Tuesday night, Louthampton were robbed at the last gasp by Alex-kid Sanchopanza - can anyone stop this guy scoring? Not on this form. The Louts must be kicking themselves after such a game, to walk away from the Emiroids with nothing to show for their efforts. See this tiny violin?

The final game of the weekend saw another battle royal between Neverton at Shite Fart Lame, where the refereeing once more screwed the away team, failing to give a stone-wall second yellow, a penalty, an offside goal and CPR on his own career. Twittering Shitspurs left it late again but walked away with 3 points whilst Roberteo Martini-shaken-not-stirred was left scratching his head yet again. At this rate he’ll be bald by Christmas. And then, come Tuesday night, Neverton’s nightmare’s at home continued as they let 2 points drop as, after gifting Dull the ball all night, they gifted them a point that Brucie-bonus’s cut-price squad will have cuddled all the way home with glee. Martini-shaken-not-stirred’s bald spot grows faster than Jordan’s wedding dress collection…

The final game of mid- week saw a startled Blunderland take the early lead against a mis-firing Mantreasurechester City. Always dangerous to score too early against quality. This spurred City into waking up, strapping on their boots and proceeding to turn on a dazzling display of talent and control that left The Blunders in tears of frustration and amazement. City’s display left The Blunders staggering around in a blur of a daze of a kicking of an arse-spankingly bemused state that was still sinking in as City boarded the bus and set off back to Mantreasurechester. Chelski had better watch out - Joseski’s lot may be unbeaten so far, but City are Champions for a reason, and they’re starting to fire on all cylinders. Ominous for the rest of the contenders…

Phew! With that lot done and dusted peeps, we’ve only 2 more days till weekend fixtures kick-in. Let’s hope those games continue the season’s trend so far of bizarre and remarkable results. It’ll be interesting in May to revisit me predictions at start o’ season and see how close, or (more likely) how incredibly far wide of the mark I were! Can’t wait!

And on that bombshell peeps, it’s time for me return to jungle.

Come on Barbie - it’s time for tonight’s Bush-tucker Trial.

Tonight is an eating trial in the Bedroom of Bedlam.

Get ready to gird my loins girl!

Woof!