The Grant Gurnhill football and mayhem blog.

Yo yo yo peeps! Dobster is ‘ere yet again wi’ me big bag o’ footballing fun. And this is Euro Friday, where I look back at the games that ‘ave been played in the Champion’s League and the Europa league this week.
First game o’ week were that well anticipated tussle ‘tween Ditherfool and Real Madrigals in Spain. Everyone, including me, were expecting Scousers to get their arses handed to ‘em on a plate like. Performance wise, it were men and boys. But, credit to the reds, who hung in there and only went down by one solitary goal. That there Morello Cherry at the back were right good. And Coca Colo Tourrettes were outstanding! Played the game o’ ‘is life like! He went ‘ome just muscle and skin, he played that much out o’ ‘is skin! Well done reds! You may well just about qualify if you can turn in the right performances. Brenda spoke to me after the game. I asked him how he would strategize for the next games. He asked me for Suarez’ phone number…
Next stop were - hahaha - Arse-nil, who did nothing to prevent Arsey Whinger living up to ‘is name. Three nil up, and drew 3-3. Nobody, not even Whinger, can blame anyone else for his team folding like a pack o’ cards made from chocolate that ‘ave been thrown in a furnace. Sore losers too. Arsey Whinger said to me after the final whistle, “Boohoo, sob, sob, boohoo.”
The following night saw another batch o’ weirdness, as CSKAKAKAKAKAKAAAAAAAAAA overthrew Mantreasurechester City in a bad-tempered affair. To be fair to City, the ref was a total knob, missing a blatant penalty for the blues, and sending Ferkininho off a little harshly. Yoyo Tourrettes can have no complaints at his straight red, but the ref had lit the touch-paper long before bonfire night got underway. In the bar afterwards, Manuel Pelicani was quite relaxed as he offered me a glass of Pinot Grigio. When I asked if he had any red, he fumed he’d seen enough red for the night and stormed out…
Perhaps the surprise of the round was Chelski being held by the pitiful minnows of Malibu. A 1-1 draw away from home may seem a decent point, but the point is that there should have been a Hazard warning on the penalty kick, and Joseki’s tie-pin cost more than the opposition team. In the showers afterwards, Joseki said to me, “I still love you Dobbie.” He was definitely drunk this time…
And so we take a look at the tables, where we find Ditherfool in a dangerous spot, needing to pull some good results out of the bag in order to turn their third place and 3 points into qualification. By contrast, Arse-nil are pretty comfortable so far, and as long as they don’t self-implode (not unlikely if they can give away 3 goal leads so easily) they should qualify 2nd. Whilst Chelski sit pretty and commanding in top spot in their group, Mantreasurechester City are looking lost and forlorn as they prop up the table. It’s looking like a miracle can’t save these boys. Time will tell…

And so we turn to the table scrapings that are the Europa League.
Twittering Shitspurs went away to Asterix Triplets, and were lucky to come away with all 3 points as they attempted an Arse-nil, clinging on for dear life till full-time to squeak a 2-1 win. PottyGino told me, in confidence, after the game - “I don’t know what I’m doing.” Sorry mate, but the fans ‘ave been telling you that all season…
Celtic, meanwhile, were scrapping out a feisty one-all draw with the other Asterix Triplet - Asterix GeorgeMichaelus. 2 beautifully superb goals capped an entertaining spectacle that set us up for the majesty of a Neverton performance that left a Lilliput side in disarray. And this is the team that kept a French record 23 clean sheets last season. To lose 3-0 to the Toffees in full flow was hardly a humiliation, but they could at least of turned up. The French manager caught up with me after the game. I apologised profusely and returned his wallet…
These results left the Nevers in a great position to qualify for the knock-outs, and avoid the big boys as they drop from the Champion’s League, whilst Celtic and Twittering are looking good also, but need to ensure the performances get them to the top, or the big guns may come calling in the next round.
And that’s it peeps for this week. I’ll be back in a fortnight wi’ me next blog on Europe, but next week me old mucker Russ the writer will be back with more thought-provoking, er, thoughts, in ‘is ‘Do you ever…’ blog.
That gets me thinking actually…
Barbie…bring the jump-leads will ya love…