The Grant Gurnhill football and mayhem blog.

Yahooooooooooooooo!!! Tis Dobbie ‘ere agen peeps! And it’s time for me awesome Premier League update, like. So without further agadoo-doo-doo, let’s crack on!
Woah! First FUBAR moment of the entire weekend has got to be, Westie Shambles turning Mantreasurechester City o’er! Who saw that coming? Not me - nor The Pelican, lol. That means ‘laff out loud’ not ‘lots o’ love’ - for all you oldies but goodies out there. City really do need to pull their socks up if they’re gonna be real title contenders. At the moment they’re all o’er place like a punch-drunk drunken boxer. Eh? Big Spam really is walking the walk on building the side to stay in the Prem long term, standing at the heady heights of 4th this week. As opposed to Lois Van Hire at Reunited who is also lurching around like a one-legged tripod riding a unicycle. Eh? Lois is talking the talk - or bullshit as it’s commonly known, but needs to take a leaf out of Big Spam’s book on putting his money where his mouth is. So far Van Hire’s put Reunited’s money where his mouth is, but is failing miserably to come good on it. Big Spam asked the owner’s and board to stick by him and his plan even though the crowd wanted him gone. They did, and are now reaping the benefits. I’m sure Reunited will support Van Hire the same way - after all, they wouldn’t get rid of a scapegoat manager after less than a season of not supporting him, would they now? Ahem…
Next stop on the carousel of absurdity, we find Ditherfool, at home, being held by Dull City. To be honest, I bet many saw that coming and got some good returns at the bookies from Stevie’s Brucey bonuses. Ditherfool are frankly finding that maybe they aren’t quite ready for a sustained campaign across more than one front, especially with the bite of Sewerage up front now gone. They’ll probably be rueing turning down Etu Brutus in favour of Bolloxtelli as well. £24 mill was it? At least his hair looks a million dollars worth… C’mon Brenda; get this shower of shit playing like we all know they can, and entertain us like at the start of the season. Please!
Ditherfool Reserves (Louthampton to the uninitiated) carried on their excellent early season form with a standard win over Steak City at home. Nothing to write home about, but they won’t care. 3 more points in the onion bag and 2nd in the Prem. OMG. That’s Oh My God for you oldies.
Arse-nil put a smile on Arsey’s face with a win over Blunderland. Did anyone doubt the Blunders’ ability to lose? I don’t know about the wooden spoon at the end of the season, Blunderland will end up with the entire kitchen if Peugeot ain’t careful and can’t get his players playing football instead of whatever the hell it is they’re doing at the minute. It ain’t pretty, it ain’t nice, and it certainly ain’t football.
Chrysophase Palace went to West Sandwich Albumen and managed an entertaining draw. Both teams have turned around a dour start to the season and will no doubt end up mid-table and safe if they can keep up the performances, work-rate and effort, and don’t suffer unfortunate injuries to key players. Good luck ‘em I say - I’d pay to see both at the minute. Well done guys.
The same can’t be said about Fester, who are in danger of becoming some kind of scapegoat whipping boys if they don’t sort themselves out. Swansea are hardly the most consistent or stable of teams at the moment, but they stayed at homer and made an easy job of a toothless Fester. Socks up boys, or back to the Chumpionship it is.
Fester may actually have to hit freefall before they take the scapegoat whipping boy tag from our next victims - BURnleY. Okay, so Etu Brutus is class still, and the goals were all good, BURnleY
actually netting a decent move themselves. But Alcatraz is never a Prem defender, was to blame for both goals, and even looks shit in a Blues kit. Neverton looked like they were hanging on for large parts of the second period, shoddy play even failing to make this example of paint-drying interesting. But even Neverton’s lacklustre performance, saved by the quality of the finishing can’t detract from the sheer lack of Prem ability in the BURnleY side. They are not, and never will be, good enough for this league. End of.
Twittering Shitspurs once again showed their lack of edge and steel by promptly collapsing as they conceded the fastest ever second half goal in Prem history. To Pewkcastle. Honestly. Wetter than a paper bag in a salty bath of paper-eating acid. At least they’ve got Europe to look forward to…
Chelski, oh Chelski. I warned before of arrogance creeping into performances with the awesome start they’ve had, and Ivanonononononovic was the first culprit. Why, why, why, why ,why did he make that challenge, that late into injury time, in that area? Dickhead. I bet there wasn’t a Chelski fan in the world who didn’t look at that ball being placed on the grass and think ‘this fooker’s going in, I just know it.’ And for once they were right! Tada! Never mind. They’re still unbeaten - a point I can’t see being undone before they sit down for Turkey dinners in a couple of months. MoulinRougio must have spat into his glass of red on Sunday night though, every time he saw Ivanoooooooooooooooooovic go to tackle on MOTD2. That’s Match of the Day 2 for all you oldies… Old Lois Van Hire must have pissed himself to be handed a point that late. At all in fact. But, honestly Van Hire; development? Revolution? Progress? Process? Most feared team in the making? Sod off. Last season Moyes had bugger all money to spend, no backing, a shoddy team he was left with, Champion’s League footie to contend with and was still in the cups as well. And he STILL had one more point than your sorry arse. Do me a favour and STFU until you have something genuine and honest to say. You know what happened to Moyes don’t you. Just saying…
Finally, we have the sorry and cautionary tale of a team led by a genuine fool. Aston Vanilla. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Beaten by PQRSTU, and easily. Oh, Paul Lambretta. Watch your back son. You weren’t expected to be an early pre-Christmas casualty when the season kicked off, but on these performances and with your lack of control of a bunch of ludicrously out of synch players, you’ll be odds on to be gone by Thanksgiving. Thank God.
And that’s it peeps!
Thanks for reading, an’ I’ll be back next week wi’ me awesome Prem round-up again, on Tuesday night, like.
Meanwhile, until the League Cup warms up and the FA Cup arrives, there’s no European action this week and so me Friday Euro blog will be tekken o’er by me mate Russ The Writer, who’ll be asking ‘Do you ever…’
Can’t wait!
Tara fo’ now folks!
Barbie? Bring that loofer an’ some spare batteries love…