World Cup Final review

Dobbie is back from Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazil wi’ a heck of a tan and itchy pants (but that’s another story - she were very butch though…).
And so the World Cupeo ground to a halt wi’ the eventual winners Germany overcoming all-comers to grab the trophy and seal another star on their shirts.
Argentina - especially Higuerotten - will be kicking - and probably missing - themselves after such lacklustre finishing in front of the onion bag. Germany had 3 attempts on target first half - the Argies none! And yet Germany coulda bin 3 down by then! Bloomin’ ‘eck I tell thee! Cracking finish to quite an exciting game though - heading for penalties before an awesome strike by beardy wonder Goatie handed the trophy to the Germans. And Messi still got Golden Ball for player o’ tournament - eh?
As Kurt Cobain once said - Nevermind.
So - back to reality and the Prem! Wi’ several weeks to go afore the league kicks off, I thought I’d cast me expert eye o’er the comings and goings at the teams lined up agen each other next season. It’ll be interesting to see how me punditry and predictions o’ last season have unhinged the managers trying desperately to make it through a full season unsacked, and affected their transfer policies and targets. Not to mention what donkeys I slammed they’ve wised up to and decided to offload instead o’ carrying the idle turds another season (Mourinho obviously read me blog last year…). In order to be democratic (whatever that is, but it sounds good, as Tony Blair once said to me), I’m gonna look at ‘em in alphabetispaghetti order. Or summat. And I’m gonna be looking at how many players they’ve got in their entire squads that are home-grown. Should be an eye-oppener.

Here goes peeps - hang on tight to yer britches.
Arsenil - 36 players, 4 home-grown, no Loan-in players. Have 11 players yet to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Must be Alexis Sanchez, up front. And he’s got to be better than Mr Potatohead himself - Oliver Gourd.
Aston Vanilla - 35 players, 12 home-grown, no Loan-in players yet. Have 7 players still to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Believe it or not - Joe Coleslaw, midfield.
Burnsley - 29 players, 2 home-grown, no Loan-in players yet. Have 28 - yes, 28 - players still to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Ross William Braveheart Wallace? Your guess is as good as mine peeps. This could be an unmitigated disaster with this much coming and going and the first season back in the big time. Or they could do a Blackpool in their first season. Be worth a cheeky punt at the bookies to stay up. But I wouldn’t put me mortgage on ‘em.
Chelski - 41 players, 4 home-grown, Loan-in players? As if! Have 14 players still to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Cesc Faberge could be one of the players of the Prem this season. Maybe. And at least they robbed - I mean ‘sold’ - PSG that wonderkid of the World Cup, David Sideshow Bob Luiz. Cough, cough, cough…
Chrysophase Palace - 30 players, 11 home-grown, no Loan-in players as of now. Have 7 players yet to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Well, they seem to like young England players - Jack Hunt could be a diamond ready to shine. Time will tell.
That’s it for tonight peeps. I’m off to me cot for a well deserved shag - I mean - kip. Bloody jet-lag does me every time I tell thee.
Be back tomorrow wi’ me next lot o’ incitefullness - yes, you read that word reet. Tata for now peeps!
Dobbie

World Cup 2014 final

Wahay peeps! After all these weeks of footie, we finally made it to the final!

And a nail-biter it will be folks - unless you’re Lois Sewerage; in which case it will be shoulder biting.

So, a quick recap on the doings of the last few games.

Well, I called Brazil and Colombia to progress, and the Netherlands and Costa Rica. Bingo!

But, and this could get embarrassing - let’s look back at the expert - ahem - predictions of me; DobberteoSavageo.

This is how I called it:

Mexico - Quarters - whoopseo!

Netherlands - Semi-finalists if they keep key players fit and off the cards.Get in!

Colombia - Quarters.Back of the net!

France - Outsiders for the semis methinks.Whew! Well done boys - you didn’t let me down!

Argentina - Finalists. Mouth-watering prospect - can he(Messi) finally put the demons to bed?No brainer really.

Belgium - Quarters?Not doing too bad, am I?

Germany - Semi-finalists where they’ll be unlocked by moments of sheer class.Oooooooooooh - I really thought they’d fall at the final hurdle. Maybe if the opposition had bothered to turn up…

Not bad punditry if I do say so myself!

Although I deliberately left these jokers till last - Brazil. How wrong could I be? But not as wrong as Big Phil and his game-plan; if he even had one! I just feel sorry for Julio Cesar who will forever be remembered for letting so many past him, at home, in the semis. He was not, in my opinion, to blame for any of the goals - but his non-existent team were. Shocking. My heart goes out to him.

And so to the Semis - close your eyes or look away now if you’re of a Brazilian persuasion.

Argentina finally limped through to the final that will finally decide Messi’s place in the pantheon of footballing gods - or not. He may have helped pull his team through by their bootlaces so far, but he’s gonna have to be at his majestic, breath-taking best to beat these Teutonic bulldozers - Germany will not be fearing Argentina after:

1.     Argentina’s performances so far

2.     Crushing Brazil in their own back yard, in the semis

Back to the other semi, and what an unexpected spectacle we witnessed. I can absolutely guarantee that no bookie on the planet would have let you bet on that score-line. They’d have looked at you sideways, taken pity on your poor, deluded mental state, and rung for the men in white coats to take you away. Immediately. This is the end of Brazilian football as we know it. And their arrogance.

But the Brazilians are not the only casualties in this tournament. Italy and England made poor showings (although I doubt if many England fans were surprised). Perhaps the second biggest shock (or biggest if you’re Spanish) of the tournament, was the holders performing so poorly, and with so little class or flair. Is this the end of tic-a-tac-a football? Germany seem to be proving so.

So peeps, sit back and relax, feet up, beer or wine in hand, and enjoy what could possibly be one of the best matches (and especially finals) for many a year. We can only hope that it lives up to its mouth-watering potential! See you on the other side folks!!

World Cup 2014

OMG! I’m back folks! DobbeoSavageo form Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazil again with the old news of the latest round of knock-out games.

Let’s kick off wi’ the Hollandaise saucians - what a game they were given by Mehico! The Mexicans showed their talent, desire and fire once more - and, as I predicted, fell foul of the Dutch meisters weaving their wondrous tapestry of deception. ‘Oh, you’re beating us - take this. Oh, and this. Bye bye.’ Mexico worked so hard for the win, and when sooooo close, a bizarrely great simple strike shot them down; and then, one of the players of the tournament did what he had to do when it mattered. Robben - why did Chelski let him leave? Fools. The penalty rescued the career of a player who was once heralded as the best in Europe but never lived up to it. Doodah van Sandwichio or whatever his name is - we all forget. So the Dutch progress relentlessly - but how far? Ooooh…the tension is enticing!

Costa Rica - OMG again! Save of the tournament - or close to! And another! Then another in extra time when 2 vs 5! And on 34 minutes of extra time spreads himself like butter to thwart the encroaching Greeks yet again! Unbelievable man of the match performance! But when the ten man Costa Ricans were fading on their feet in normal time, the Greeks struck yet again in added time! Holy Smoley! Do they ever submit? Hardly the most entertaining match of the tournament until extra time went into over-drive and the game went - literally - mental; but when the knock-out phase comes, the result is all that matters. And what a result. How many shoot-outs can one tournament endure? OMG! But if this was the only way the Costa Ricans were gonna get through, who can deny them after such a game and such a performance!

See ya’stomoz peeps for more footie excitement! Oh, my heart can’t take it!

World Cup 2014

Hi peeps! DobbeoSavageo back from Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaazilica wi’ me blog on the beautiful game. FIFA asked Suarez if he’d like his ban rescinded so he can return to the World Cupeo - he said if they offered him the chance, he’d bite their hand off…

So - the knock-outs!

Chile pushed the Brazilians all the way and cemented their rising reputation at this tournament with yet another top display and a great goal by a man we’ll see much more of next season, I’m sure. Shame they were undone by the dreaded penalty shootout and that staple of Brazilian and German teams at tournament  football - sheer ability and the persistence to bulldoze their way through even when performances drop. Raise a glass to the biggest success of the tournament so far and a new potential power in world football - Chile - we salute you!

Please also raise a glass to possibly the second biggest success this summer - Colombia! They continued their ascendance on the world stage with yet another solid performance and another of the tournament’s best finishes - another rising star we’ll come to know much better in the year to come. Even Uruguay’s lacklustre departure caused by a toothless display that lacked Suarez’s bite couldn’t deflect from Colombia’s quality. Let’s be honest though; we all expected Uruguay to be packing their bags now their main star was extinguished in his own implosion. Yet another case of a footballing genius falling foul of his demons - we’ll be talking of him for decades to come; but he’s in danger, like many before him, of derailing his own career just as he rises, to crash fatally in flames. And so many of us across the globe would chew our own left arm off to have a millionth of his talent. Such sadness…

That’s it for today peeps - I’ll be back after the second pair of games wi’ me awesome opinion. Just remember though - I called Brazil and Colombia to progress. Let’s see if I’m right about the Netherlands and Costa Rica baby! Ciao for now peeps!

World Cup 2014

Aye up peeps! ‘Tismoi - DobertoSavageo again, live from Braaaaaaaaaaaazil wi’ me ingenious insights in t’a games o’ the old World Cupeo.

So, me old muckers, the group stages have drawn to a close wi’ more than a touch o’ controversy about ‘em. Let’s recap at the winners, losers, movers and shakers. And biters. Ahem.

Groupeo A

Brazil - must do better (unless they can afford the ref from the Croatia game every match…) Will undoubtedly meet Argentina in the final.
Mexico - unbelievable performance from a mediocre squad. A real surprise package - even though they were expected to over-achieve, no-one expected the performances they’ve put in. Quarters.
Croatia - shame about the ref in the first game, else they could have gone much further.
Cameroon - what were they thinking? There’s nothing like a ridiculous act to receive a very well deserved red card and destroy your chances all in one swell foop. Stupid boy.

Groupeo B

Netherlands - after the final against Spain in the last tournament, they wisely changed tactics - and how! Semi-finalists if they keep key players fit and off the cards.
Chile - THE dark horses of the tournament. Wow! No-one saw these boys coming - and anyone who says they did is lying. Now the surprise factor is gone, the quarters MAY beckon. But they need to exit with heads held high. Very high.
Spain - OMG! Why change a winning formula? To surrender 80% possession stats so you can punt the ball to an out-and-out striker who is, frankly, so over-rated it’s laughable… Foolish beyond words. Costa is undoubtedly the new Suarez of the Premier league. He won’t know what’s hit him when he starts in the English game with its more physical side, and with a personality as incendiary as Suarez’, he’ll be sitting out a lot of games this coming season. Another foolish boy who was lucky not to walk in the group stages. As for Spain conceding goals - no wonder the defence showed its age and weakness when the opposition suddenly has 30% more possession per game. They think Spain are all over…
Australia - epic battlers who just weren’t good enough. But they can take pride in one of the goals of the tournament as Cahill once more showed the class and ability that Everton would love to have back. Brave effort guys.

Groupeo C

Colombia - unbelievable performances and results. Well done boys. Quarters.
Greece - once more performed like they were battling the Spartans for land. Awesome endeavour and so fitting that they clawed their way through in the last minute of the group stages. Be proud, but get packing your bags now guys.
Cote d'Ivoire - as in every other tournament, a team of highly paid stars were expected to shine brightly but sputtered out against sheer hard graft, endeavour and a bloody-minded desire to win. Hang your heads boys and get out of here so we can enjoy the football.
Japan - May have been expected to progress from this group, but in the end had less fight and pluckiness than talent, and were out performed by the Greeks and Colombians over the 3 games. Better luck next time. Groupeo D Costa Rica - another surprise package, particularly when you consider the group they were in and the opposition concerned. Got exactly what they deserved - top spot. Well done boys! Uruguay - Once again it was the Suarez show - in more ways than one. Just like Cameroon, one stupid boy has now cost them any chance they had of progressing. Not exactly out of character though now, was it? Italy - Not good enough. Even Pirlo couldn’t save this team from their changeable performances. Although they deserve a little sympathy as Suarez should have walked, and Godin should’ve done the same earlier in the tournament. FIFA really needs to get to grips with these major decision cock-ups that can be so costly. England - Another team that got exactly what they deserved. Everyone has an opinion on this lot. Bad tactics and poor performances by over-paid clueless bumblers. Everyone in an England shirt watching expected this result, but was praying they would somehow perform a miracle and break the cycle. To say that they were inexperienced and will learn for the next tournament is such pathetic bollocks it’s laughable. If you’re building for the future, why are you paying them big bucks now? Who has a boss who pays them 300 grand a week for what they’ll do in 4 years time? Do me a favour you moron and shut up - and go away. Oh yeah, you already have. Groupeo E France - after the comedy shows of recent tournaments, France have actually surprised with their performances, particularly where the younger players they’ve brought on are concerned. And everyone thought they’d miss Frankie-boy. Including me. Wrong! Outsiders for the semis methinks. Switzerland - Argentina next? Pack your bags boys. Over-performed (for once) and bored (as usual). Here’s where the party ends for you guys. Bye. Ecuador - Showed grit and determination and the performances we expected after the showing at Wemberleeeeee. Ultimately came up short, also as expected. Honduras - ditto. Groupeo F Argentina - Messi finally turned up for a major tournament and looks like showing all the critics who’ve said he’ll never be the best until he’s lifted that golden statue. Has individually taken an under-performing team and pulled them through by the boot-laces with his sheer talent and ability. Finalists against Brazil. Mouth-watering prospect - can he finally put the demons to bed? Nigeria - Lucky boys not to be going home. Unconvincing. In a stronger group would have been cannon-fodder. Suitcases at the ready guys. Bosnia-Herzegovina - Unlucky where Nigeria weren’t. It could have been either, but at the end of the day that’s the fine line you walk between achieving more or enjoying a longer summer holiday. Look forward to seeing these boys in future tournaments. Should still be proud of what they’ve shown here. Well done. Iran - Plucky and ultimately not good enough, but entertained and were quite a joy to watch. Good effort guys. Groupeo G Germany - the interminable Germans are like the Terminators of tournament football - relentless and all-destroying. They rarely fail, and rarely change tactics. Spain - take note. Semi-finalists where they’ll be unlocked by moments of sheer class. United States - Go USA! Well done guys. Ok - so you were handed the chance by Germany’s tonking of Portugal on day one, but you grabbed the opportunity you were given and held on for dear life. Americans led by a German and helped by the Germans - go figure! Hold your heads high as you head home shortly. Portugal - the mountain they left themselves to climb after the thrashing by Germany kind of kicked the life out of them and disappointingly left Ronaldo as a side-show. He may be (arguably) better than Messi at this moment, but he needed too many Messi moments to save his countrymen. Even Ronaldo’s not THAT good. Only themselves to blame after that first performance. Ghana - Ended where their performances deserved to leave them. But boy, they can be entertaining at times! And finally… Groupeo H Belgium - how many players are Premiership players? Not unexpected as Prem watchers have been anticipating their rise for a while now, and they haven’t disappointed. Very hard to gauge where they’ll finish though. Hmmmmm. Quarters? Algeria - awesome! Beating Russia to the knock-out stages is probably the biggest shock of the tournament, but they’ve got their just rewards for all their grit and endeavour. Well done boys! Go home proud now. Russia - LOL. Capello. LOL. That is all. Korea Republic - Under-achieved really with the squad they have, but I suppose the surprise factor of recent tournament performances has gone now. Disappointing, but Algeria won’t think so. And now, peeps, the line-ups for the knock-out stages. Can’t wait! Make a brew and I’ll see ya’ll soon! 2014 World Cup Schedule - Round of 16 Date Match June 28 Brazil vs. Chile June 28 Colombia vs. Uruguay June 29 Netherlands vs. Mexico June 29 Costa Rica vs. Greece June 30 France vs. Nigeria June 30 Germany vs. Algeria July 1 Argentina vs. Switzerland July 1 Belgium vs. USA

Sepp Blatter

Good afternoon footie fans and welcome to The Gardens once more!

We turn now to the never-ending debate in the sport known as Foot-ball – that perennial of video technology, as in Rugby and Cricket, to support the match official’s decision-making, and the governing body’s seeming reluctance to embrace it in pursuit of fair and proper judgements within the beautiful game. Here with a special interview with the enigmatic FIFA president, Sepp Blatter, is our chief sports correspondent, Justin De Bakodinett
JDB: Joining me now is FIFA President Joseph ‘Sepp’ Blatter
Sepp Blatter: Hello human
JDB: Erm, indeed. Now, Mr Blatter, you’ve travelled a long way today to defend your position on video technology.
Sepp Blatter: Yes. I have come from the past, to destroy the future.
JDB: Sorry?
Sepp Blatter: It is my mission to stop the machines.
JDB: Oh. Aren’t you a little concerned that many people would see that as modern day Luddism?
Sepp Blatter: No.
JDB: Not a little?
Sepp Blatter: No.
JDB: Why not?
Sepp Blatter: Let me explain a little of FIFA’s history. In the Year of Darkness, 1936, the rulers of football devised the ultimate plan. They would reshape the Future by changing nothing. The plan required something that felt no pity. No pain. No fear. Something unstoppable. They created 'THE TEAMINATOR'. The thing that won't die, in the nightmare that won't end.
JDB: And that’s – you?
Sepp Blatter: Ja
JDB: But surely it’s time that football moved into the 21st century and embraced technology, otherwise unfair decisions will continue to destroy the reputation of FIFA and stop teams from –
Sepp Blatter: Puny human – you know nothing.
JDB: Sorry?
Sepp Blatter: We must be merciless in our war against the machines. If we are not vigilant, those bleeding hearts will allow technology to run amok.
JDB: This opinion is exactly why many people would accuse FIFA of being a totalitarian organisation. What would you say to those people?
Sepp Blatter: I know where you live.
JDB: So you’re happy to be viewed as trying to instigate a dystopian game where fair play takes second place to paranoia over modern technology?
Sepp Blatter: Of course – I’m Swiss - if my own country cannot win the world cup – then nobody shall! Mwahahahahahahaaaaaa!