The Grant Gurnhill football and mayhem blog.

Aye-oop peeps! Tis I again - Sir Dobbie of Savageo!
I’m back from me summer hols and back kicking punditry-ass!
I’ve spent the last month on that there Barbie-ados island. Boy was she hot! Hotter than a napalm enchilada, if ya get me drift.
Anyway, me batteries are well recharged and I’m back to mess wi’ ya minds and tell it like it is in that there beautiful game - no; not female beach volleyball! Although…hang on - where were I? Oh yeah - foot-ballroom!
It’s a great time to recap on the madcap laughter of the past month in that there Prem, what wi’ England taking a sabbatical to play all the part-time painters and postman o’ Europe. Only thing I ‘ave to say on that is this - I’ve said for long enough that Jones the Bones and Christine Smalling were never good enough to play for Reunited, let alone pull on the legendary white jersey. Looks like both ‘ave disappeared up the Swanee for club and country. But England seem to have picked up another duffer in defence wi’ that Calumny Chambers - WTF?
Never mind - back to the Prem, and like a curious dog meeting a mate, we’ll start at the bottom.
PQRSTU - since narrowly beating the Blunders in late August, they’ve fulfilled my prophecy and stayed at bottom o’ table. Squeaking a bizarre draw against Steak gave ‘em their only other point, but with a minus 11 GD after 7 games, it’s gonna be a long, long season for the hoopsters!
BURnleY - getting BURYed as I predicted. If ya can’t score goals, you ain’t gonna stay up. Brave performances, but defending is half the game - the other half is putting the watermelon in the onion bag. An even longer season for these boys, as at least PQRSTU have got some strikers (they just can’t score…). Remember Arse-nil’s Invincibles? These guys could go an entire season without WINNING a game.
Pewkastle United - OMFG. Pugilist Pards is standing on a cliff edge getting a pat on the back from Fatboy Ashley. What is happening at this club? They seem to stumble from bad to worse, season after season, hanging on by a thread that’s fraying more and more each year. There must come a tipping point where the fans revolt and destroy Ashley’s pension fund, someone who actually gives a toss about the club buys the fat fuck out, or the Zombie apocalypse occurs and destroys civilisation as we know it (although Pardew would probably try signing the undead…). This is like the worst Final Destination crash EVER staged in the middle of Chernobyl, whilst a tsunami tries to outdo a world-wiper meteor strike. Bloody funny though (if you’re not a Pewks fan).
And on that bombshell, aha, I’m that puckered out that I’m off to me pit. Tomorrow night I’ll gi’ thee me wisdom on 17 to 6, leaving the top 5 for Juicy Wednesday.
Now, where did I put them condoms?
Come on Barbie - bedtime!
Tata for now peeps! Wish me luck!
In the meantime, whilst Dobbie returns, please enjoy this latest video of Roy Hodgson explaining his team choices to the Italian press this week.