The Grant Gurnhill football and mayhem blog.

Wahay peeps! I’m back agen for me now weekly blogaroo!
Now folks, it’s come to me attenshun that there’s some nutter imposter on that there BT (Bloody Terrible) channel on telly. Some fool working wi’ that stupid Chevy Chase cop from the 80’s - Fletch.

I’m telling thee peeps - accept no fakes! No charlatans! No damn fool copycats! They can’t dance like me! They can’t play like me! They can’t pundit like me! Nuff said.
Now peeps - on ta first subject o’ day - that Charity Shizzum thing. A nice day out is had by all, wi’ a bit o’ training ground jollity thrown in for laughs. And what does it tell us about the season to come? Bugger all.
On this occasion, the Arse-nil slotted three past what was touted on the programme as ‘Mantreasurechester City’. LMAO. If we see those 11 players on the same pitch again this season wearing the City badge I’ll sell my house to end world poverty. Whatever’s left can buy us all a McNougat each. City didn’t even turn up till half time; their first eleven - well probably their first twenty - were watching from the stands.
Then Ollie Gourd fluked a third, the deflection off the defender just barely avoiding the despairing grasp o’ poor ‘Joe Hart the sequel - the Spanish are coming!’ in the City goal. Pelicanni pulled his only first team players off after that for a rest and I swear he was checking his watch from that point - not for Fergie time, but for an end to the boring proceedings. He hasn’t learnt yet that pubs o’er here open earlier now.
Once we’d all woken up and switched channels (is it me or are BT just crap coverage amateurs; whoever employed Michael Dull Owen as a commentator needs sacking), little had been seen or learned.
Arse-nil seem to have finally realised that maybe buying more than one decent player a season could be a better policy, and the team on display certainly applied themselves well and took the game by the scruff of the neck. However, when men play boys, especially 2nd string boys who can’t be arsed to try, it’s not hard to win. I reckon Arse-nil are playing as a unit already, far better than anything we saw last season (look at the Sweet FA cup final and how long it took ‘em to wake up). They’ll undoubtedly win something this time, and run the title race close - but it won’t be the title.
City? We’ve seen nothing except for one glimpse - just how devastating they’re gonna be on the break, the counter, and from midfield through to the front man. They will decimate teams if given the opportunity - and looking at the dearth of decent teams now in the Prem, they’ll get the opportunities. It wouldn’t surprise me to see the record goals scored this year exceeded; and it
won’t necessarily be by City. Anyone (neutral ) who isn’t watering at the gums to see City’s main 11 start together is either dead, or a rugby fan.
As for the first games o’ the season, here’s a brief look at me bets:
Man Reunited vs Onesie - a rehashed, new look Reunited under Van Hire will over-run a depleted Onesie side. It’s gonna be a long season for the Welsh, and Reunited are looking to rise from the ashes of Fergie’s departure.
Fester City vs Neverton - the sticky Toffees will stick a couple past the new boys as they try to find their feet in the Prem, but need to perform better than pre-season to avoid mid-table obscurity this year.
PQRSTU…vs Dull City (or whatever they’re called this season…) - hard to call but Dull could have made some shrewd deals, making a profitable season for them. Dull to win (I never predict draws - they’re boring).
Steak City vs Aston Vanilla - Vanilla will be looking at a relegation battle this time out and Hughes seems to be moulding Steak into a solid unit. Steak, well-done, all the way.
West Sandwich Albumen vs Blunderland. Average team vs a bunch of cast-offs. Hard to call again, but home advantage should be enough.
West Sham vs Twittering Shitspurs - Spurs had better hope they’ve learned from last season’s total FUBAR situation - though they’re gonna have a long, long season to endure. Sham are just cannon-fodder for the rest of the Prem. The Twits will take it, even at Shut-upton Park.
Arse-nil vs Chrysophase Palace - no-brainer. After the performance in the Charity Shizzle, and home advantage; Arse-nil by a few.
Ditherfool vs Louthampton - oh the delicious irony! Whichever pitch they’d played on, this would have been a home game for Ditherfool! Home advantage and the fact that half the Louthampton players are in Shamfield kit now means a Ditherfool win - but if they score, will they be put down as own goals????
Pewkcastle vs Mantreasurechester City. If I was the Pewks watching the Charity Beshizzle, I’d be worried that they’re gonna bear the brunt of the backlash. If City turn up, this could get embarrassing for the Pewks.
Finally, in the Monday night bore game, Burythemnow vs Chelski. If you listen to Moronhino, Chelski are the dog’s testicles this year - so much so that they can afford to let decent quality players go to their rivals. Mental - but remember - Jose Chelski don’t play mind games… Chelski will actually bury Bury here. I’m just waiting for Diego Costacoffee to play on a wet and windy Monday night, in Northern England, against a Championship quality team who will kick lumps out of him, and see if he can stay calm and not face instant dismissal for flaring up. Oh, hang-on…
That’s it folks - me genius insight’s done for now. Just remember - one things for sure this season peeps - there will be action; there will be drama. There will be big, big goals and bigger score-lines. And just wait for the shocks! Place your bets peeps - it’s gonna get bumpy!
Tata for now folks!