The Hanging Gardens of Brazilian Delight

Good evening and welcome once more to the Gardens of footballian delight, now relocated for a few weeks to the sauna that is Braaaaaaaaaaazil! Phew - it’s hotter than Nicole Kidman’s thong in here. And just as humid. Someone open a window.
Tonight we have our ace sports pundit and footballroom expert Dobbie Savage spouting the usual tosh - I mean, valued opinions - on the England World Cup squad, B league proposals, and a special insider video report from the England training camp ahead of their final preparation match against some insignificant nobodies that you’ve never heard of. No, not Scotland.
Over to you Dobbster!
Cheers Russ, you old tart!
Evening peeps and straight into me first topic for discussion.
The ENGLAND SQUAD and their respective NUMBERS for the 2014 WORLD CUP
1. Josephine Hart2Hart - not being funny but this is kind of a no-brainer for Royston Hodge-podge. Perhaps if Hart2Hart’s butler Max forgets to pack his Head&Shoulders it could always go pear-shaped. And if the Brazilians kidnap his pooch, Freeway, it could turn into just how they met - murder! It can only be downhill from here peeps!
2. Glenda Johnson&Johnson - strange choice with Ditherfool already lining up his replacement in their squad this summer - what makes him a good choice? Experience? What of? Letting the title slip at the last hurdle? Oh, sorry - that was Stephanie Gerrardo. Perhaps it’s because Johnson&Johnson make Hart’s shampoo…Well, he’s worth it - oh, wait…
3. LeightonBuzzard Blaines - so one of Batman’s adversaries makes the squad. Ahead of such luminaries as AshtonKutchner ColestoNewcastle. Well at least Ash won’t have to watch John Terryble hitting on Cheryl all summer before he returns to Chels - oh wait - hasn’t he been dumped by the Blues as well? I predict an injury hit season for Blainesy next year as he returns from the competition to Europe and the Prem. Too many games, too little stamina.
4. Stephanie Gerrardo - why do England managers persist in this fantasy of Gerrardo and his live-in tournament love-chum Franko Lumpolard being the spine of England? After slipping up in the title race and hearing the news that Luis Sewerage is leaving Spamfield - the only player who could possibly bring Ditherfool the Prem this century - Stephanie needs to hang up his banana skins and retire. And after the terrible performance he’s about to subject us to this summer, he will.
5. Cary Boothill - solid choice and has proved to be one of the best centre-backs in the Prem - when he has a decent partner…
6. Phyllis Jagielkakakakaka - forget what I said about Cary Boothill. Even he won’t be able to carry Sicknote Phyllis for the 80 minutes he’ll limp through before injury hits him. Again. Risky choice Royston.
7. Jackelin Wilshere-asheep - Now we see why Royston named a 23 man squad - of physios. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
8. Franko Lumpolard - another player that even his own club don’t want next season. And he’s going to the biggest national tournament in the World. I just need to check I’ve got the correct list here - no, it’s right. This isn’t the South American Poker Stars Tour. Oh bugger…
9. Danielle Porridge - what an over-rated player - except in his own eyes. Wait till Luis Sewerage leaves Spamfield and the new strikers Brenda Divorcemedivorceme is buying come in, and we’ll see how much game-time this prima-donna gets. And how Chelski and Mantreasurechester City were right all along about him.
10. Waynetta Looney - the best English player in this squad? Hope he’s packed a massive backpack so he can carry the rest of the team all game every game.
11. Danielle Welbuggerme - no doubt this other over-rated ‘future hope of England’ will get plenty of column inches from slagging off Royston for playing him ‘out of his favourite position’- but only after Hodge-podge has been sacked at the end of the summer of course. Team game? Perish the thought…
12. Christine Smalltalent - why, oh why, oh why, oh why… Not good enough to play for Man Reunited, so they put him in an England shirt. Retards!
13. Handi-Bendi-Ghandi Fosterparent - shows the lack of depth in the English keeper department. Will keep Josephine’s seat warm at least - oh wait - it’s in Brazil…d’oh!
14. Jordan Hinderson - what price-tag? So over-rated that Which? gave him a negative scoring on their value rating. He must make a cracking cup of tea for Royston to be taking him.
15. Alexis Oxtailsoup-Chamberpot - if you want an Insane Bolt run-a-like to up your teams yardage stats over a game and prevent the rest of the mob looking like lazy gits, Alexis is your man - er, boy. Just keep the gate shut else he’ll be up the road and in the sweet-shop faster than you can blink. Needs reminding that he can’t wear his running spikes on the pitch.
16. Phyllis Jonesthesteam - is this really what the state of English football has come to? Can’t even muster an English surname! Tut, tut, tut…
17. Jane Milliner - solid midfielder and great hat-maker. Shame he’ll hardly feature as we sit and endure the Gerrardo-Lumpolard love-in.
18. Rickie Camembert - may shine like the star he’s got the potential to be if he gets some games and gets his head up in the box. Shame some ‘big’ team will scupper his career next season. Don’t believe me? Remember Rebrov, Jason Lee, Akinbiyi, Marlet, Bosko Balaban, Boogers and Guivarch? And I’m sure that Greyham Sourness will remember George Weah’s ‘cousin’ Ali Dia. More D’oh than a Warburton’s bread factory.
19. Raheem Sterling - another over-rated starlet who will rue Sewerage’s passing. Basically Danielle Porridge with pace. And ability. And personality.
20. Adam Llama - Rickie Camembert’s long-lost twin. His career will be in danger of following suit next season as well, as the Lout-hampton squad gets plundered for rough gems.
21. Rust Barkleysbank - Neverton’s new prodigal son. More courtiers than a Jordan wedding. Can he resist the big cash move that could scupper his career early on, and can he sustain his all-out full-on-football mantra during a campaign where he’ll be expected to pull England from the mire at every opportunity? Carrying an
ageing midfield is a massive task even with his undeniable talent. This kid won’t be able to win at this tournament - damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t.
22. Frasier Forstersambernectar - I think this guy must be the Designated Driver.
23. Luke Shaw - the only risky choice despite his obvious ability. Wait - what am I thinking? Royston’s picked a squad chock-full of liabilities and no-hopers. This kid will shine. Gems tend to when they’re buried in a pile of crap.
And that’s me view folks on the England squad. Disagree? Good on ya! Nowt like a spirit of open discussion and comment. And remember; this is my blog so I’m always right! LOL
Now, I’m gonna cast me eye over the new FA theory of how to encourage English players and youth in the leagues.
Y’all ready for this peeps?



Football Association chairman Greg Dyke outlines plans to introduce a division for Premier League 'B teams' beneath League Two. Fussball Dissociation chairbaker Greggs Bike decided that what footie needs is a new division consisting of Premier League 'B teams'. Despite the fact from mid-table downwards the Prem is already full of B teams.
The Fussball Dissociation commissars, namely Bike’s sidekicks Roland Rat and Kevin the Gerbil, reckon that this is to ‘improve English football and increase the number of homegrown players competing in the top flight’. How do these footballing geniuses plan on doing this you may ask. By implementing a new 'League Three' - their words - beneath League Two. This 'League Three', containing the 'B teams' would be ‘subject to promotion and relegation’.
To quote the pastie-man himself:
"We have had a lot of interest and enthusiasm from the big Premier League clubs about having B teams in a lower division. Liverpool, the Manchester clubs, Stoke, Tottenham have no problems in talking about it and recognise the problems they have got. They are spending lots of money on youth development but don't have anywhere for these players to play before the first team.” Insert your own punchline folks.
He went on to say that:
"It was agreed that by 2022 our target should be that there are 90 English players playing regularly in the top European leagues, compared with 66 today, and of those 90 we would want at least 30 playing in the top six teams." Keep those punchlines coming peeps.
Apparently, because this doesn’t already happen (?) the Fussball Dissociation commissars proposed loan partnerships between Premier League, Championship and lower league teams, as well as a reduction in non-homegrown players in top flight squads from 17 to 12 over five years. And this will benefit the England football team apparently, something that we will always have, cos it’s a national team. Every country has ‘em. Just because England don’t win bugger all, is that a reason to undermine the Premiership and its appeal to a world market? England still won’t win anything. The best English players will still move where they like for their own reasons. You only have to watch the Internationals to realise that pulling on that jersey when you know you’ll win bugger all isn’t what it used to be. Play for England or for the sponsorship deals and wages that Prem clubs pay? Interesting.
Weirdest point in all this is that they also put forward the idea that ‘no non-EU players should join clubs outside of the Premier League’. Surely this is discriminatory, xenophobic and restrictive to lower league clubs who already have everything the Prem and FA can do stacked against them. Encouraging grass-roots upwards? Get real!
And on that bombshell peeps, we go over to Louisa Sackbackandcrackville-Baggins’ undercover report from the England training camp ahead of their final preparation before the World Cup in Brazil.

A searching report I’m sure you’ll agree, and very enlightening.
I’ll be back soon with me World Cup build up from Braaaaaaaaaaaazil!
Tara for now peeps!

Lost in the Gardens of Misrule!

Welcome back to the blog after a short hiatus and straight to straight-talking ace footballroom pundit Dobbie Savage!

Cheers as ever Russ.

Aye-oop peeps!

Well, what a few weeks it’s bin, annit?

Let’s start with Arsey Whinger winning the FA Cupansaucer. So Jose Chelski said the whining Frenchman was practiced in failure. This from a whining Porthole who’s won bugger all for a couple o’ seasons. D’oh - nut.

The play-offs. Can’t believe me beloved Derby fell at the last hurdle, against a team of has-beens. Shocking ain’t the word. Cried into me vino all night, I did. Ah well. I can’t see QPArghhhhhhhh! Doing much good unless Scarey Redcap changes his transfer policy. It’s like some Japanese samurai movie innit? You know - the band of outcasts and misfits forming a gang and roaming the Prem trying to rob points here and there just to survive… They’ll be going down faster than a cheap granny on Wayne Looney! And news just in - Redcap wants Lamprey from Chelski and Riodejaneiro from Man Reunited - oh dear… guess he hasn’t learned.

Well done to Rotherhamsandwich for beating The O’s in their play-off final on pennoes. So it’s now Cheeri - O to the O’s and another good old Yorkie Pudding club goes from strength to strength. Get in there lads!

So Mirkwood continue their astounding romp upwards through the leagues to the consternation of Firkin Albumen in the play-offs. Albumen may feel robbed at the manner of the defeat - and be crying for tossing it away yet again at the last hurdle, but good luck to the Mirks for an amazing display of never-say-die derring-do. Anyone bet against ‘em going up AGAIN next season? The odds are against it but that ain’t stopped ‘em yet! Good on you - just hope Grimesby don’t take inspiration from it!

And now to the transfer window, where we peer into the front-room of comings and goings and focus on the players for once, instead of the managers.

Boloxtelli to Ditherfool or Arse-nil? Do me a favour! Shows that Arsey and Brendan Divorcemedivorceme  are short on ideas. The Fools have also been linked with Llama (as well as trying to sign half of Lout-hampton’s other players too). I’d be worried if I was currently in Ditherfool’s frontline and heard he’s looking for more strikers, cos I’ve said it all along - Luis Sewerage is leaving - get over it! It might be good for Ares-nil to get Boloxtelli though seeing as though they have no strikers - and no bollox…

Now - the world’s gone mad! Tom Inch-high-private-eye is going to Inter Milan? Get away! Insanity!

Talking about insanity - Chelski want DiddlerDrogba back - I don’t need to comment on that - it’s hilarious as it is bearing in mind the strikers they have already and the money they’ve spent on them!LMAO. They’ve also supposedly sealed the deal on Diego Costacoffee - the injured striker who costapacket for Chelski, and costa Champion’s League title for Diego Simon-says last weekend. Crazy gamble - play for 7 minutes then go off, instead of Simon-says putting out the team he had and playing tactics to suit them. Madness!

Onesie want £25million for Winifred Boneless - crazy money for an unproven forward who’s now a known quantity at this level. Doesn’t anyone ever learn from Chelski’s striker buys?

David fLuidz from Chelski to MSG for 50million - I assume that’s pence… They obviously want to increase their quota of own goals and assists to the opposition this season.

Lois Van-hire at Man Reunited continues where Moyles left off - no, not the Radio 1 breakfast show. He’s showing interest in more Neverton players. Guess he doesn’t want to be in Europe anymore - he just wants to paddle about mid-table trying to over-achieve. The new Reunited blueprint for success - in the Championship. Unless of course this is all genius misdirection to deflect his interest in virtually the entire Buyer Munter squad - I kid you not. Can’t buy a title? Then buy a title-winning team, mate!

Tittering Shitspurs continue their clueless ditherings in the transfer market with Erik Labia (failed striker - striker? You’re having a laugh!) andChiriririririches looking at moves away. Who said rats and sinking ship?

I see Thom Not-so Cleverly’s leaving Reunited for Gateautasary this summer - why not? He’ll be spending his summer on a beach in Turkey anyway - England player my arse!

And finally - it’ll be interesting to see at the end of this summer, what with the World Cup et al, just how many players from the Prem that Paris Aren’t German (Or MSG for short), those powerhouses of international banking (with a B), hoover up in this transfer window.Financial fair play rules?Ooooh matron!

That’s all for now peeps!

I’ll be back soon with an update on The England squad for the World Cup, and an exclusive sneak preview video of the England camp!

Tara for na!

The Premier League Gardens!

Hello, hello, and welcome back to The Gardens on this final day of Premiership action!



We have with us Mr Dobbie Savage, lying on his lilo of insight beside the pond of Prem.



Welcome Dobbie; what fascinating facets of bejewelled knowledge do you bring us to gorge on tonight?




Ay-up Russ! Good to be back after watching me beloved Derby in awesome action tonight!

Well, me old mucker, I'm here to sum up the shenanigans of the final day in the three-legged Prem race, and cast me augurs for next season.



So mate, the Prem title went to Mantreasurechester City and Sheikh Yormoneymaker. I predicted this last August if yaz remember. Shame for Ditherfool who pulled out the win they needed after an early scare. Maybe next year; not.





The final table looked a bit like this mate:

Champions	Mantreasurechester City
2	Ditherfool
3	Chelski
4	Arse-nil
5	Neverton
6	Tittering Shitspurs
7	Manchester Re-United
8	Lout-hampton
9	Steak City
10	Newcastle Brown Ale
11	Chrysophase Palace
12	One-sie City
13	Best Sham United-but-not-behind-Sam
14	Blunderland
15	Nasty Vanilla
16	Dull City
17	Best Sandwich Albumen
18	Norwich & Peterborough Building So-shitty
19	Dulham
	And introducing The biggest loser - Tardyff City

Now let’s have a look at each team during the last season and what I expect from them next season:

Mantreasurechester City

These boys have shown their team ethic, camaraderie and true grit again this season, bouncing back from the disappointment of last season. I see them going from strength to strength to become a real European power. They just need to win the CL to cement their legendary status. Champions again next season.

Ditherfool

Over-achieved with a magnificent effort that will make the CL teams wonder next season. But when Luis Sewerage leaves in a massive money deal, the man who carries the team season after season, despite Stevie GG claiming his legs are fine for another season, will be pivotal. After a disappointing World Cup performance this summer, I doubt if he'll carry on when he sees the lack of real quality coming into the squad. Finish 5th next season.

Chelski

Abba-morish and Jose Chelski finished with a bare cupboard - unheard of. This will rankle the Russian and the Not-so-special-no-more-one-of-a-dozen. Expect some wheelings and dealings and Chelski coming back stronger than ever after a good clear-out. 2nd, but make a race of it.

Arse-nil

Past masters of failure with naught to show again. Delusional fans are still bigging up Oliver Gourd but if he's a top class striker, so's my Mum. One player to make them contenders? Messup Persil could never carry this shower of sick-notes on his own. Wenger needs to wake up and smell the league passing him by or sod off to the J-League. More slippage behind the top teams next season but a valiant 6th behind Ditherfool. How the mighty unbeatables have fallen.

Neverton

Unbelievable season when so many thought they'd struggle (me included). Over-achievers extraordinaire but will always be bridesmaids without serious, serious investment - and Billy Kenwood ain't got it. The Martini-shaken-not-stirred revolution will continue next season, and over-achieve to 4th. The following season will see the predicted dip that the Champion's League entails.

Tittering Shitspurs

How can one club get it so wrong? If it weren't for the debacle at Man Re-united this season, these would have been the laughing stock of the league (even ahead of Tardyff-fa-fa). Sherwood will be gone with some other clueless and over-rated foreigner in his place. Bale must be laughing his socks off (despite losing 2-0 tonight to throw the title away). Spurs are going one way now - they have no more jewels to sell for investment, and as seen this season, if they won the lottery (again) they wouldn't know how to spend it. Clueless from top to bottom. 7th.

Manchester Re-United

Embarrassing how the mighty have fallen but the hubris and mockery will bring them back stronger. They may have a financial base built on quicksand, but football wise they should be back investing wisely and rebuilding as they have done so many times before. Main bonus for them is that Sir Phallix is still there. 3rd.

Lout-Hampton

Another over-achiever due to a great manager of mediocre teams and several stunning jewels. Unfortunately they won't keep them. Spend wisely - and who knows? Do a Spurs - and fight relegation. Jury is out. Should be mid-table.

Steak City

Always tough at home, they strangely turned this around this season for some reason. Odd. Back true to form after a season settling under Mark Huge. Upper-mid-table.

Newcastle Brown Ale

Actually performed like a bunch of drunks this season stumbling from one disaster to another. The retard of an owner is once more promising big change and big signings. Probably all from the Moldovan league this year. Yawn. Please go back to the Championship and let someone who knows and likes football take over 'cos you're embarrassing us now with all these 'world-class Frenchmen'. Not. Relegation (I pray).

Chrysophase Palace

Only Peregrine Falcon at Mantreasurechester City can beat Pullthis to manager of the season surely? Palace's bar bill must be minute with the way Tony turns water to wine. What he'll do with this pack of disparities next season only he knows, but I see much coming and going of B list players. Mid-table should be easily achievable for him after this one.

One-sie City

Monkfish may be One-sie through and through but I bet even he didn't see that coming. Good job done under hard circumstances. But what for next season? Any investment? Will they trust him next season? I think we'll see a lack of Welshness in the Prem soon if this lot aren't careful. Fighting relegation but safe.

Best Sham United-but-not-behind-Sam

If Old and Dullivan capitulate to 73% of the fans wishes and sack Big Sam Gamgee, they're fools. This guy knows Premier League survival like the back of his hand. Remember, this is only one of 2 ring-bearers to resist the Dark Lord. With faithful Sam; mid-table. Without; Championship all the way - no other fool would step into Sam's shoes for those idiots.

Blunderland

Another candidate for manager of the season. Unfortunately has an ageing, B list and inadequate group of players who won't get so lucky next season. Major investment, clear-out and strengthening required. If not - fighting relegation all the way with Gas gone by New Year.

Nasty Vanilla

Lambleg needs a job in the Prem - the Scottish Prem. Randy Wiener needs to sort his head out and sort his squad out. This lot are going down eventually but they just don't know it yet. Fighting relegation but pull it off late-on.

Dull City

With fans who support name changes when they get the cash and get promoted, then revolt against the name change (though only 1000 of 11000 season tickets could be bothered to vote) when they struggle in the Prem, this lot are where they deserve to be. Stevie BB Gun may be a good man in this situation but he's not a big team manager, and doesn't hang around too long. Relegation if they don't sort themselves out and get some unity and decent players instead of plundering cast-offs.

Best Sandwich Albumen

More bizarre managerial shenanigans. Why oh why? Another team that needs to focus AND invest else they'll be Championship stalwarts for decades to come. Get your shit sorted or get out guys.

Norwich & Peterborough Building So-shitty

Two words: Chris-Houston-we-have-a-problem & embarrassing.

Two more: good & riddance.

PS: note to Delila Delia - don't rely on ex-Scunthorpe strikers to save your arse in future.

Dulham

Hmmmm. Thinks: what have the relegated teams got in common this season? Manager stability? NO! The fact that this lot have been in the Prem so long makes it more embarrassing that the Norwich & Peterborough finished above them. They won't be seen in the Prem again. Ever.

And introducing The biggest loser - Tardyff City

In years to come, sports science degree students will write theses on this lot's long stay in the Prem - and still not figure it out. Vincent Suntan-no-sense. Having him take over the decision-making process is like throwing a lead life-belt to a sack of drowning kittens. One word sums up this Championship team's season - D'oh!

That's it folks. I'll be back tomorrow with news of the England squad for Brazil.

I'm off now to the training camp - wish me luck!

say something (an interpretation)

The Grant Gurnhill football, music and mayhem blog.

Good evening footie fans and welcome to The Gardens once more!

First, we head to the floral borders that are inhabited by the strange blooms of this green and pleasant land. This week, we have a documentary from the tool-shed of detritus.

 

Out on the streets of Miami-mia, getting the low-down as ever, is our roving reporter Alicia Gavell-Brown-Goldmansachsbackandcrack. This week she is on a whistle-stop tour of England's training camp ahead of the World Cup in Brazil. This is her report:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ws18ghMb_0w

 

Thanks Alicia - Alicia Gavell-Brown-Goldmansachsbackandcrack there with another searching football investigation.

And now it’s time to welcome, fresh from Warthog’s Academy for Young Ladies in Distress, where's he's been holidaying in the sun, Mr Dobbie Savage!

 

'Cheers Russ, as usual, and straight darn to business mate! It's been a great week an' a bit in the Prem whilst I've been topping up me tan, so here's a recap for anyone who lives in Outer Mongolia, or a BT Infinity area.

To start with, I think Man Reunited fans need to calm down – beating the Norwich and Peterborough Building Society – a team weaker than a Greek economy - don’t make a season. Putting 4 past a defence with more holes than Gleneagles and flimsier than a South African athlete’s alibi ain’t big or clever. At least they can afford Wayne’s wages now that they don’t have to pay the rest. After all, apart from Leo De S’gea, the rest of the squad must all be season ticket holders cos they’ve been spectators since August. And there must be so many Manc fans homeless after they all put their houses on the new manager dragging 'em from the depths of the hell they've been in this season. Nah nahhhhhhh. Zion Greggs – the new seer-prophet who was to bring hope back to the hopeless – must be kicking himself - and missing - after falling at the second hurdle to Blunderland at New Traffordyouwantfrieswiththat. They must have been terrified that Chelski would get a cricket score against the N&P and show how much of a pitiful result 4-0 was. After all, if Norwich’s team were internationals, they’d play for Easter Island – and they’d be on the bench. The statues would be first choice. They managed less shots against Reunited than a teetotaller with an alcohol allergy. If he was watching, Rabid Moyes must be livid that the shit that won the title last season (extortionately-paid professionals) couldn’t be arsed to play for him. That they won the title with an average team was testament to the weakness of the opposition – who have improved this season, where Reunited have stood still. Sir Phallix must have been a seamstress in a previous life as he stitched up Reunited by supporting the Double-glazer take-over then stitched up Moyes by failing to invest in an ageing and average team over the last few seasons. No vision, no investment. Although the biggest loss that cost Moyes was David Fish-gills leaving. Moyes makes Lee Majors look like a wimp when it comes to fall guys. That the Double-glazer’s could take over a financially stable club with debt and use it to off-set debt elsewhere makes Italian politics look stable. Even in America it wouldn’t have been allowed – in any sport. Tittering Shitspurs may have spent Bales’ transfer fee on Ericcsonsonsonsonson and a field of donkey’s but at least they didn’t use Ronaldo McDonaldo’s money to offset debt – every penny of it – instead of investing it in new players. God the Double-glazer’s must really love Madchester. If Man Reunited go bankrupt – you heard it here first…

Talking of insane amounts of money, and results, Jose Chelski seems to have worried the EUFA officionados again. Apparently, in their first leg of the semi against Unathletic Madrid, they received his team sheet and it only had 3 names on it. Fernando Torrid was to play up front alone, with Bus parked in front of Petr Bounced-cheque. They’re investigating whether this was sporting behaviour…Probably less sporting than letting The Norwich and Peterborough get a result at Tampon Bridge. How cruel - allowing the Canaries a glimmer of hope just before they drop. They'll join Tardyff (say no more - all Tan and no colour to their play) and FullmetaljacketHam in The Championship next season. Good riddance to embarrassing teams that are going where they deserve to be. When it comes to managerial shenanigans, their owners are as clueless as their players in front of goal. Why can't we get back to Football lovers running these clubs - people who actually give a toss about the clubs themselves. Rant over.

Elsewhere in the Not-necessarily Champions (but we’ll let you in if you like) League, Madrid managed less passes than Stevie Hawking on Junior Mastermind in their first leg. They still managed to nick the win, despite Ronaldo McDonaldo missing a sitter from 3 millimetres, and Angel Tia Maria stunning a fan in row Z when he only had the onion bag to beat. Pip Guardogola must be kicking himself – and missing…They still managed to make the final though, making The Kings of Europe (some unknown German team run by Pip from Lord of the Rings apparently) look less than ordinary in their own backyard. I couldn't stop laughing for three days. And then Jose had his ass handed to him leaving us with an all Spanish final.

Probably be a yawnfest as this weekend has shown how predictable results in La Liga are…

 

Hope the Welsh Neverton fans don’t start chanting at the next game – ‘OggyOggyOggy’ might not go down so well… Although the strangeness of the Prem season continued at Goodinitson with Ditherfool fans cheering for Neverton, Neverton fans cheering for Mantreasurechester City, Man Reunited fans cheering for Mantreasurechester City…the madness is never-ending! It spells a storming end to the season and the run-in for the title though as even ChristmasCarol Volkswagonman (ex-Countdown – how appropriate) can’t even work out the mathematical permutations on this bugger! Whew! What a storming last week we’ll have – hopefully. With Chelski beating Ditherfool, City beating Neverton, Shitspurs beating no-one anymore (well spent 80 mill there mate) and Arse-nil basically chugging in over the line to fourth like the old smoke-blowing jalopy they are. Even Oliver Gourd is scoring at the Goddammerites now (even though he couldn’t score in a brothel normally).

 

Hold onto your seats peeps – this is gonna get bumpy!

 

Next stop – Ditherfool and Chrysophase Palace. I’ll be watching from behind the sofa methinks!

 

See y’all next week folks – and maybe we’ll have a title winner by then!'

 

Er - cheers Dobbie – I think.

 

 

From our Twitter account – check it out for regular comment on the insanity that is the football nation of the world (England of course, you fool!)

 

https://twitter.com/GrantGurnhill

 

• AWKWARD: The official Premier League launch photo, taken 2 days before the season started.
• Man Re-utd - the lunatics have taken over the asylum. Tradition? Don't be stoopid - we're American!
• David Moyes - sacked because his workforce couldn't be arsed to earn their pay...
• Old Trafford - tradition, European football and success. New Trafford - you want fries with your Championship football y'all? Yeehaaaaa!

 

 

Now to raise a glass to Tito Vilanova – footballing legend. Cheers Tito – you’ll be missed son!

To end our tour this week, here’s:

 

Quote of the week:

 

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them; the rest go on Britain’s Got Talent and wing it.