And that's the action for today peeps! Mantreasurechester City have beaten Chrysophase Palace at a gallop, and Ditherfool have shown that their title credentials are as shaky as a jelly on a camel's back, or a South African athlete's alibi. Jose Chelski got lucky in the first half, then showed his ability to defend a crucial lead in the second. Ditherfool looked lost and bereft of ideas as to how to overcome them. On such days do titles rest. Mantreasurechester City have capitalised on Ditherfool's dithering and shown their experience in fighting to the last minute of a campaign - as Man Reunited found to their cost a few seasons ago. This season could now easily eclipse that one for the tightest and most exciting finish ever in the Prem. Bring it on! Now to Arse-nil and their quest for the Champion's League as Neverton falter. Watch this space tomorrow night folks! Ta ta for now peeps!Sunday, 27 April 2014
The Grant Gurnhill football, music and mayhem blog.
And that's the action for today peeps! Mantreasurechester City have beaten Chrysophase Palace at a gallop, and Ditherfool have shown that their title credentials are as shaky as a jelly on a camel's back, or a South African athlete's alibi. Jose Chelski got lucky in the first half, then showed his ability to defend a crucial lead in the second. Ditherfool looked lost and bereft of ideas as to how to overcome them. On such days do titles rest. Mantreasurechester City have capitalised on Ditherfool's dithering and shown their experience in fighting to the last minute of a campaign - as Man Reunited found to their cost a few seasons ago. This season could now easily eclipse that one for the tightest and most exciting finish ever in the Prem. Bring it on! Now to Arse-nil and their quest for the Champion's League as Neverton falter. Watch this space tomorrow night folks! Ta ta for now peeps!
The Grant Gurnhill football, music and mayhem blog.
Is there an exclusion zone from Chelski's 18 yard line to the half way line where only Ditherfool players can go to have a shot? If Chelski wanted to defend any deeper they'd have to get the shovels out. And then hit them on the break - classis Jose Chelski. So to Mantreasurechester City and let's see what they can do about this title race...The Grant Gurnhill football, music and mayhem blog.
I guess Jose Chelski's scheme of delivering a case of Kit Kats to Rantfield before the game worked cos Ditherfool are partaking of the gift - Chelski are hitting them on the break...Who taught Skittle to defend? Mike Tyson? Buck Rodgers has SASAS on the pitch but they're running out of ideas. Who do you think's more nervous right now - Ditherfool or Chelski?The Grant Gurnhill football, music and mayhem blog.
Wow peeps! This is turning into one of the games of the season. Although, I'm not sure if it's entirely legal for a coach to leave the technical area - Chelski have just parked one on the 18 yard line...The Grant Gurnhill football, music and mayhem blog.
Holy crap! Mystic Dobbie here! Guess the Ditherfool fans are gonna lynch me now! Boy, does that set the second half up - especially if Jose Chelski brings on A Buss in defence now...The Grant Gurnhill football, music and mayhem blog.
Woohoo peeps! This is what the Prem is all about! Forget the rubbish bloodbath at lunchtime, THIS is entertainment. Two top quality sides going for it. Both teams playing football while Jose Chelski plays the crowd. He's now passed from Bore-games to Bored-games - he needs to get over himself cos no-one's biting anymore. It's nice to see that Buck Rodgers has finally dragged Ditherfool into the 21st century. I wonder how much a European campaign will affect them next season, especially if they do manage to win the title. If this game ends with 22 players on the pitch it will be a miracle. Can't wait for the second half - the longer it goes on, the more nervous both sides are gonna get. Delicious! This game will be settled by a piece of brilliance or a total abomination of a touch. Time-wasting? 45 minutes plus about 20 minutes stoppage time to go lol. Excited much? Oh yes!The Grant Gurnhill football, music and mayhem blog.
I guess Jose Chelski kept his word and fielded a weak side - not. If he greeted me with 'good morning' I'd check the time to make sure. Mind-games? Bore-games. This is set up to be a lip-smacker folks! Let's see what transpires...The Grant Gurnhill football, music and mayhem blog.
Well folks - I just spent 45 minutes watching a poor Sunday League game - oh, my mistake - I was still at the Stadium of Shite. Tardyff fa fa are about as entertaining as a Bruce Forsyth tribute act. Time to wake up for the main attraction - Ditherfool vs Chelski for the title. Got to be more interesting than that load of yawns earlier. Unless Jose Chelski plays A Buss in front of Petr Bounced-cheque again. Line-ups and comment coming next.The Grant Gurnhill football, music and mayhem blog.
A first 'alf to bore us all folks, wiv only Conor Lick'em and his goal making light in the stadium, and the hilarity of Borini having a 12 yard tap-in - Tardyff's defence (I'm legally obliged to call them that) suffering brain freeze leading to a red card, and aiding Tardyff's survival - like throwing a lead lifebelt to a drowning man. Is this pissing Tardyff off fa fa? Biggest surprise of the 'alf has gotta be Catinthehole and the fact that he's still on the pitch. He's normally in the pub by now. I don't think he's ever collected a full match fee in his life. The fact that he wasn't the first to be booked was a shocker - a case of mutch ado about nothing... Let's 'ope the second half is as entertaining as the final minutes. Ho ho ho as Satan would say. It was Satan, right?The Grant Gurnhill football, music and mayhem blog.
Well, Blunderland look quite attacking and with Tardyff playing one up top and 5 across the middle, it looks like The Blunders will be penetrating the colander of Tardiness faster than the US army through the Iraqi Republican Guard. Game on peeps!The Grant Gurnhill football, music and mayhem blog
I'm back peeps! First game o' day is Blunderland vs Tardyff. Both need to win else they'll be going darn faster than a cheap whore on a BOGOF offer. Team sheets up next - let's see if they've got the balls to go for it, or do a Jose Chelski and field A. Buss in front of the keeper. Back soon!The Grant Gurnhill football, music and mayhem blog
Ay up peeps - it's me, Dobbie Savage, fresh from Warthog's Academy for wizened wimpy wizards where I've bin teaching the boys and girls me footballroom dancing skills.
I'm wi' y'all today to share Super Sunday in the Prem wi' ya. I'll be blogging all day wi' me genius insights from a lifetime o' football anecdotes, so I'll be popping in an' art, strobing me commentaries like a dyspeptic chameleon in a disco bar. So watch this space peeps!
Excited? Oh aye!
Wednesday, 16 April 2014
The GrantGurnhill football, music and mayhem blog
Welcome, welcome, welcome to the wonderful sunny Scunny Gardens.
First topic for perusal on the mower of decimation is that the arguments over Scottish independence are heating up – the SNP has put Trident at the heart of the issue, which has proved a problem with David Cumeron who insists that he will always prefer Wrigley’s Spearmint…
Meanwhile, the main contentious issue in this debate is quickly becoming that of the NHS in Scotland stopping acne treatment in the near future. Fervent supporters of Scottish nationalism, led by firebrand activist Bravefart insist that no matter what they take, they’ll never take their Freederm…
Meanwhile, on the Sir Patrick Mower, has anyone seen the red moon this week? UnAtletico Madrid striker Diego Costacoffee certainly did… check out the link below for his classic penalty miss when an arse appeared and helped him arse it up – England are preparing full nationality for him ready for the World Cup quarter final shoot-outs…
Now, over to the potting shed of pottiness and our resident narcissist – I mean, footballroom pundit, Dobbie Savage!
Eh up and cheers Russ!
Contract news first folks.
Phil JonestheSteam has just signed a new contract with Man Reunited by the looks of it – never mind Phil; the pain won’t last long - after this season your career will soon be over…
Alan PuncherPardew eats his words as NewcastleBrownShite struggle against the odds…
Meanwhile, Bra-zil releases details of its new squad of ballboys for the upcoming World Cup tournament – I guess we know why the England team will keep missing the target all the time…
Can we have our ball back miss? Schwing!
Breaking news: Big Sam Westhamgee points Arsey Whinger in the direction of the Europa League, mere seconds before Lucas NotPolski scores. D’oh!
I’m rather hoping that me old mate and mucker Stevie 4G will finally see his dream come true and finally win the league this season. He’s the only player to score in the League Cup, FA Cup, European Cup and Champion’s League finals. Well done Stevie! And he’s that grounded that he’s never forgotten his roots… D’oh!
I see that The Fishy One, Oscar Piscatorius, has finally found a straw to clutch at in his defence. Apparently the Prosecution have called Arsey Whinger the Arse-nil manager as witness against him. As anyone outside Sout Atrica knows, Arsey never sees anything... D'oh!
Breaking news! The Basketloaners have stopped loaning their baskets and are now giving their trophies away! Not content with dropping out of Europe this week, they've just lost the Lana Del Rey final to Real Mildred. Pip Guacamole must be kicking himself for leaving - not. Well, he left for a new challenge - come back next season and sort this shambles out Pip - you won't find a bigger challenge next season mate...
Meanwhile, after justifying a price-tag more loopy than Mandy Carrol's and Nando Torrid's put together by winning the Lana Del Rey final single-11-man-handed, Garth Bale-out-of-spurs-as-fast-as-you-can had this to say:
"Cheeeese Gromit!!!!"
Finally, on the week of remembrance for Hillsborough, we leave you with the wise words of Robbie that sum up the true friendship of real football fans everywhere. Justice for the 96. YNWA.
See ya soon peeps!
Friday, 4 April 2014
The GrantGurnhill football, music and mayhem blog
Dobbie Savage:
Wahay and welcome back peeps!
First this week, I hear that massive Mantreasurechester City fan, Liam McGallagher has taken up backwards running – so now his fitness regime is going the same direction as his music career since Oasis split!
The old El Clasico! What an outstanding example of two technically adept teams taking each other on – a real Classic! - ruined at full time though when John Terry ran onto the pitch in a Barcelona kit!
I’m not saying that he’s getting past it, but from watching his defending ability lately, if Rio Ferdinand was electricity he'd be static...
Meanwhile, in Slim Shady's La Liga, will the Real Madrid please stand up, please stand up, please stand up, please stand up: preferably before your ageing team dies of embarrassment.
After watching the rigmarole surrounding fans hiring planes to buzz Old Trafford and abuse McMoyesy - Stop press - Man Utd supporters revealed as the most patient and tolerant, and most prone to remember the history of their own club - Alex F
And that’s it for this here week me old muckers!
Tatty baaaaaaa for naaaaaaaaa!
An apology to Simon ‘daddy daddy’ Cowell. We would like to apologise unreservedly to Mr Cowell for any distress we may have caused him during our profile of him last week. We used various words and phrases during our report to describe the media mogul, including vain, narcissistic, ego-led, conceited, self-satisfied, pretentious, pointless, hollow, shallow, vacuous, egocentric and exhibitionist, as well as saying that he would never marry because he could never find anyone who loved him as much as he loves himself. Well, since our
broadcast, Mr Cowell’s lawyer has been in touch with the blog to protest. Apparently we failed to describe his client as ‘God-like’. Sorry.
We turn now to the never-ending debate in the sport known as Foot-ball – that perennial of video technology, as in Rugby and Cricket, to support the match official’s decision-making, and the governing body’s seeming reluctance to embrace it in pursuit of fair and proper judgements within the beautiful game. Here with a special interview with the enigmatic FIFA president, Sepp Blatter, is our chief sports correspondent, Justin De Bakodinett
JDB: Joining me now is FIFA President Joseph ‘Sepp’ Blatter
Sepp Blatter: Hello human
JDB: Erm, indeed. Now, Mr Blatter, you’ve travelled a long way today to defend your position on video technology.
Sepp Blatter: Yes. I have come from the past, to destroy the future.
JDB: Sorry?
Sepp Blatter: It is my mission to stop the machines.
JDB: Oh. Aren’t you a little concerned that many people would see that as modern day Luddism?
Sepp Blatter: No.
JDB: Not a little?
Sepp Blatter: No.
JDB: Why not?
Sepp Blatter: Let me explain a little of FIFA’s history. In the Year of Darkness, 1936, the rulers of football devised the ultimate plan. They would reshape the Future by changing nothing. The plan required something that felt no pity. No pain. No fear. Something unstoppable. They created 'THE TEAMINATOR'. The thing that won't die, in the nightmare that won't end.
JDB: And that’s – you?
Sepp Blatter: Ja
JDB: But surely it’s time that football moved into the 21st century and embraced technology, otherwise unfair decisions will continue to destroy the reputation of FIFA and stop teams from –
Sepp Blatter: Puny human – you know nothing.
JDB: Sorry?
Sepp Blatter: We must be merciless in our war against the machines. If we are not vigilant, those bleeding hearts will allow technology to run amok.
JDB: This opinion is exactly why many people would accuse FIFA of being a totalitarian organisation. What would you say to those people?
Sepp Blatter: I know where you live.
JDB: So you’re happy to be viewed as trying to instigate a dystopian game where fair play takes second place to paranoia over modern technology?
Sepp Blatter: Of course – I’m Swiss - if my own country cannot win the world cup – then nobody shall! Mwahahahahahahaaaaaa!
This week we raise a glass of vino to Mickey Duff – the boxing promoter. He’s finally out for the count – here’s a tot to you Mickey!
Finally, we leave with the wise words of Oliver Herford ringing in our ears:
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.
Wahay and welcome back peeps!
First this week, I hear that massive Mantreasurechester City fan, Liam McGallagher has taken up backwards running – so now his fitness regime is going the same direction as his music career since Oasis split!
The old El Clasico! What an outstanding example of two technically adept teams taking each other on – a real Classic! - ruined at full time though when John Terry ran onto the pitch in a Barcelona kit!
I’m not saying that he’s getting past it, but from watching his defending ability lately, if Rio Ferdinand was electricity he'd be static...
Meanwhile, in Slim Shady's La Liga, will the Real Madrid please stand up, please stand up, please stand up, please stand up: preferably before your ageing team dies of embarrassment.
After watching the rigmarole surrounding fans hiring planes to buzz Old Trafford and abuse McMoyesy - Stop press - Man Utd supporters revealed as the most patient and tolerant, and most prone to remember the history of their own club - Alex F
And that’s it for this here week me old muckers!
Tatty baaaaaaa for naaaaaaaaa!
An apology to Simon ‘daddy daddy’ Cowell. We would like to apologise unreservedly to Mr Cowell for any distress we may have caused him during our profile of him last week. We used various words and phrases during our report to describe the media mogul, including vain, narcissistic, ego-led, conceited, self-satisfied, pretentious, pointless, hollow, shallow, vacuous, egocentric and exhibitionist, as well as saying that he would never marry because he could never find anyone who loved him as much as he loves himself. Well, since our
broadcast, Mr Cowell’s lawyer has been in touch with the blog to protest. Apparently we failed to describe his client as ‘God-like’. Sorry.
We turn now to the never-ending debate in the sport known as Foot-ball – that perennial of video technology, as in Rugby and Cricket, to support the match official’s decision-making, and the governing body’s seeming reluctance to embrace it in pursuit of fair and proper judgements within the beautiful game. Here with a special interview with the enigmatic FIFA president, Sepp Blatter, is our chief sports correspondent, Justin De Bakodinett
JDB: Joining me now is FIFA President Joseph ‘Sepp’ Blatter
Sepp Blatter: Hello human
JDB: Erm, indeed. Now, Mr Blatter, you’ve travelled a long way today to defend your position on video technology.
Sepp Blatter: Yes. I have come from the past, to destroy the future.
JDB: Sorry?
Sepp Blatter: It is my mission to stop the machines.
JDB: Oh. Aren’t you a little concerned that many people would see that as modern day Luddism?
Sepp Blatter: No.
JDB: Not a little?
Sepp Blatter: No.
JDB: Why not?
Sepp Blatter: Let me explain a little of FIFA’s history. In the Year of Darkness, 1936, the rulers of football devised the ultimate plan. They would reshape the Future by changing nothing. The plan required something that felt no pity. No pain. No fear. Something unstoppable. They created 'THE TEAMINATOR'. The thing that won't die, in the nightmare that won't end.
JDB: And that’s – you?
Sepp Blatter: Ja
JDB: But surely it’s time that football moved into the 21st century and embraced technology, otherwise unfair decisions will continue to destroy the reputation of FIFA and stop teams from –
Sepp Blatter: Puny human – you know nothing.
JDB: Sorry?
Sepp Blatter: We must be merciless in our war against the machines. If we are not vigilant, those bleeding hearts will allow technology to run amok.
JDB: This opinion is exactly why many people would accuse FIFA of being a totalitarian organisation. What would you say to those people?
Sepp Blatter: I know where you live.
JDB: So you’re happy to be viewed as trying to instigate a dystopian game where fair play takes second place to paranoia over modern technology?
Sepp Blatter: Of course – I’m Swiss - if my own country cannot win the world cup – then nobody shall! Mwahahahahahahaaaaaa!
This week we raise a glass of vino to Mickey Duff – the boxing promoter. He’s finally out for the count – here’s a tot to you Mickey!
Finally, we leave with the wise words of Oliver Herford ringing in our ears:
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.
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