The Grant Gurnhill football and mayhem blog.

Wahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! and welcome back peeps! Welcome to 2015! And Dobbie’s cool and froody footie blog!

As always, some of what you read here will be true; some will be speculation; the rest will probably be pure bollocks - but at least it’s honest bull!
And remember, when I do my end-of-season look-back, I’ll be saying ‘I told you so’ several times. But ignoring all the many, many, many times I got it wrong. Of course peeps - it’s MY bloody blog!
Now folks, it’s come to me attenshun that there’s some nutter imposter on that there BT (Bloody Terrible) channel on telly. Some fool working wi’ that stupid Chevy Chase cop from the 80’s - Fletch.












I’m telling thee peeps - accept no fakes! No charlatans! No damn fool copycats! They can’t dance like me! They can’t play like me! They can’t pundit like me! Nuff said.


Now peeps as it’s first month o’ year, I thought I’d review the Crimbo fixtures and how the table looks as we move into the second, vital run-in part o’ season. Hold on tight; it’s gonna be a rough ride (as Barbie always sez!).
Boxing day:
Chelsea 2-0 West Ham
Burnley 0-1 Liverpool
Crystal Palace 1-3 Southampton
Everton 0-1 Stoke
Leicester 1-2 Tottenham
Man Utd 3-1 Newcastle
Sunderland 1-3 Hull
Swansea 1-0 Aston Villa
West Brom 1-3 Man City
Arsenal 2-1 QPR

Sunday after Crimbo:
Tottenham 0-0 Man Utd
Southampton 1-1 Chelsea
Aston Villa 0-0 Sunderland
Hull 0-1 Leicester
Man City 2-2 Burnley
QPR 0-0 Crystal Palace
Stoke 2-0 West Brom
West Ham 1-2 Arsenal
Newcastle 3-2 Everton

Monday after Crimbo:
Liverpool 4-1 Swansea

New Year’s Day (all was quiet according to Bonio):
Stoke 1-1 Man Utd
Aston Villa 0-0 Crystal Palace
Hull 2-0 Everton
Liverpool 2-2 Leicester
Man City 3-2 Sunderland
Newcastle 3-3 Burnley
QPR 1-1 Swansea
Southampton 2-0 Arsenal
West Ham 1-1 West Brom
Tottenham 5-3 Chelsea

First Saturday back after the FA Cup weekend, saw the following return to normality:
Ditherfool put paid to 10 man Blunderland 1-0. The main talking point was Sterling Silver’s absence on holiday. Apparently he was at Butlins wi’ his parents. Bloody cheeky, eh? In school time too!
In the first six-pointer o’ weekend we saw BURnleY send PQRSTU packing empty-handed 2-1. Even Fatboy Tarabt couldn’t rescue this bunch. BURnleY need to be careful or they’ll still be in the Prem next season.
Chelski put Joseki’s moaning to bed after the shock of the Shitspurs result and showed their class, and even classier finishing by putting the managerless Pewks to the sword 2-0. The title race is still on.
At least it will be if City stop dropping points faster than Jordan drops her wedding vows. They travelled to Neverton and only managed a 1-1 draw due to a goal that shouldn’t have happened, despite having 1000% possession and enough chances that even my mum could have finished one of ‘em! Roberto Martini-shaken-not-stirred finally stopped the rot. But can the Nevers turn this result into the catalyst they need, and can Mantreasurechester City keep up the pace wi’ Chelski?
Fester City put Lambretta back into the mire by beating his bunch of no-hopers 1-0. Nasty Vanilla fans were even fighting each other, their situation is that bad. Vanilla couldn’t even manage a shot on goal. Bentucky Fried Chicken will be out the door soon, mark my words. Get ready for Chumpionship football you Clarets, cos at this rate there’s gonna be some great escapes from the drop zone - but you won’t be one of ‘em.
Two teams who are over-achieving and in the heady heights near the top of the table, Onesie and Best Sham, faced up in Wales and shared the points 1-1. Honours even, but I guess everyone expected the spoils to be shared in this one.
Pulis’ ‘water into wine’ trick seems to be gearing up again after his team’s performance in the Cup. They beat Dull 1-0, putting Bruciebonus’ position into more doubt as his bunch of second-raters stumble on towards relegation. Just remember though, all you Albumen fans - he’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy!
The final result on this Saturday saw the shock that Twittering Shitspurs turnaround was always gonna get. Chrysophase Palace hosted the resurgent Shitspurs, whose confidence was far too up for their own good, and despite an ‘Arry Walking Kane strike - let’s face it, we expect it every game now - Palace managed to turn the game around after the pen decision, and ran out 2-1 winners. Pugilist Pards will be duking it out with Pulis at this rate for the Second Coming award of the season.
 So, as we move into Sunday Sunday, the table looks like this:

POS		LP	CLUB	P	W	D	L	GF	GA	GD	PTS
1		(1)	Chelsea	21	15	4	2	46	19	27	49
2		(2)	Manchester City	21	14	5	2	45	20	25	47
3		(3)	Manchester United	20	10	7	3	34	20	14	37
4		(4)	Southampton	20	11	3	6	34	15	19	36
5		(5)	Tottenham Hotspur	21	10	4	7	30	29	1	34
6		(6)	Arsenal	20	9	6	5	34	25	9	33
7		(7)	West Ham United	21	9	6	6	32	25	7	33
8		(8)	Liverpool	21	9	5	7	29	27	2	32
9		(9)	Swansea City	21	8	6	7	26	25	1	30
10		(10)	Newcastle United	21	7	6	8	25	33	-8	27
11		(11)	Stoke City	20	7	5	8	22	24	-2	26
12		(13)	Everton	21	5	7	9	30	34	-4	22
13		(12)	Aston Villa	21	5	7	9	11	23	-12	22
14		(17)	West Bromwich Albion	21	5	6	10	20	29	-9	21
15		(18)	Crystal Palace	21	4	8	9	22	31	-9	20
16		(14)	Sunderland	21	3	11	7	18	31	-13	20
17		(19)	Burnley	21	4	8	9	19	33	-14	20
18		(15)	Hull City	21	4	7	10	20	27	-7	19
19		(16)	Queens Park Rangers	21	5	4	12	23	37	-14	19
20		(20)	Leicester City	21	4	5	12	20	33	-13	17
POS		LP	CLUB	P	W	D	L	GF	GA	GD	PTS

Thanks to www.premierleague.com for the table.
And that’s it peeps! I’ll be back Tuesday wi’ me roundup o’ the rest o’ the results in this round o’ fixtures.
I’m coming Barbie!
Tara peeps!