Doobie doobie doo peeps, and welcome back ta me awesome blog!
‘Tis me - Dobbie of the Savage - elf footieballroom pundit extraordinaire!
Tonight we discuss the Manchester of the Reunited.
Van Gaal mentioned Manchester of the Reunited’s commercial links at his unveiling, not just once, but twice. His bestie, Ed-deadwood Woodward denied these were an issue for the manager.
“We are a different sized club. You have not experienced what being a Manchester United manager is until you have been Manchester United manager.”
So it seems…
Louis van Gaal has been told he is free to break the world transfer record to bring the right player to Manchester United.
Not so long ago, (2 years in fact), Slur Alex Ferguson was bemoaning that:
“nobody can match their [Man City’s] financial power, no one.”
How times change, eh?
Think back to some of Fergie’s signings:
* Veron - £28million
* Berbatov - £30million
* David de Gea - £19million
* Roy Keane - £7.50
And that’s a drop in the ocean of the foreigners.
The English players?
* Rio Ferdinand - £30million
* Rooney - £26million
* Phil Jones - £17million
* Ashley Young - £15million
* Andy Cole - a bag of coal from Newcastle
* Michael Carrick - a packet of cheesy nibbles from Tottenham Court Rd
And what has this done? Made English players stupidly expensive!
Ferguson’s comments on the transfer market in 2012 as his dominance began to crumble?
“[It’s]been insane for a while, for a long time, and I think clubs like City create that”.
Yep folks - nothing to do with United’s transfer policy at all.
And what has this transfer policy done for them? Eh? Apart from the plumbing, the roads, sanitation, etc, etc…
Premier League titles, Champions League titles, FA Cups, Carling Cups, Charity Shields - I could go on.
Funny how, when Mantreasurechester City spend money on the best players available, and start to win trophies that United thought were theirs by right, it’s because their transfer policy is damaging the transfer market.
Did anyone say ‘double-standards’?
Again, Louis van Gaal has been told he is free to break the world transfer record to bring the right player to Manchester United. Notice that it says ‘right’ player - not like Torres at Chelski or some of the Spurs donkeys of recent seasons.
On top of this, unlike ‘stab me in the back Moyes’, Lucky Louis has been told his transfer activity will not be constrained by money. Ed-deadwood Woodward really is hammering the nails in this coffin:
“we’re not afraid of spending significant amounts of money in the transfer market.”
Really?
* Luke Shaw - £27million - again inflating the price of unproven English players
* Ander Herrera - £28.5million
* Juan Mata - £37.5million (but pre-Louis)
And why these sums Ed?
“Whether it’s a record or not doesn’t really resonate with us. What resonates is an elite player that the manager wants who is going to be a star for Manchester United.”
Deep pockets, eh?
“I stand by what I said – there is no budget. We are in a very strong financial position. We can make big signings. That doesn’t mean we go and throw money around. Louis is the manager. We have a lot of scouting output through the last 12 months, flagging up various things to us. Louis is the one that makes the ultimate decision around who he wants in the squad. I’m not going to force feed him with a player that he hasn’t selected.”
Wow. I bet Moyesy is lapping up this kind of support as he signs on down the dole office now that his short-lived job as a Mancunian knife-rack has ended prematurely.
Not that Ed’s slagging the guy off…
“It was a challenging year. In an ideal situation I would have worked with [Sir] Alex [Ferguson] for a year. I feel a lot more positivity in terms of this coming season. Part of that is simply because of what Louis did at the World Cup.”
Really?
Can’t wait to see what the Stretford End nickname King Louis - bet The Chosen One has a few names lined up though…
Only a few weeks to go peeps and the proof really will be in the pudding…
Tata fo’ now peeps!
http://www.footballspeak.com/post/2012/05/10/Fergusons-Criticism-of-City.aspx. http://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/jul/22/manchester-united-louis-van-gaal-transfer-record
Tuesday 29 July 2014
Tuesday 22 July 2014
The Grant Gurnhill football and mayhem blog.
Wayup peeps! I’m back already cos I’ve got an axe to grind wi’ the old Gentlemen’s club they call the FA. The initials sum up what they’re worth and do…
Anyway, a while ago I cast me eye over the new FA theory of how to encourage English players and youth in the leagues. Football Association chairman Greg Dyke outlined plans to introduce a division for Premier League 'B teams' beneath League Two. Fussball Dissociation chairbaker Greggs Bike decided that what footie needs is a new division consisting of Premier League 'B teams'. Despite the fact from mid-table downwards the Prem is already full of B teams.
The Fussball Dissociation commissars, namely Bike’s sidekicks Roland Rat and Kevin the Gerbil, reckon that this is to ‘improve English football and increase the number of home-grown players competing in the top flight’. How do these footballing geniuses plan on doing this you may ask. By implementing a new 'League Three' - their words - beneath League Two. This 'League Three', containing the 'B teams' would be ‘subject to promotion and relegation’. To quote the pastie-man himself: "We have had a lot of interest and enthusiasm from the big Premier League clubs about having B teams in a lower division. Liverpool, the Manchester clubs, Stoke, Tottenham have no problems in talking about it (key point here folks) and recognise the problems they have got. They are spending lots of money on youth development but don't have anywhere for these players to play before the first team.” Insert your own punchline folks.
He went on to say that: "It was agreed that by 2022 our target should be that there are 90 English players playing regularly in the top European leagues, compared with 66 today, and of those 90 we would want at least 30 playing in the top six teams." Keep those punchlines coming peeps.
Apparently, because this doesn’t already happen (?) the Fussball Dissociation commissars proposed loan partnerships between Premier League, Championship and lower league teams, as well as a reduction in non-home-grown players in top flight squads from 17 to 12 over five years. And this will benefit the England football team apparently, something that we will always have, cos it’s a national team. Every country has ‘em. Just because England don’t win bugger all, is that a reason to undermine the Premiership and its appeal to a world market? England still won’t win anything. The best English players will still move where they like for their own reasons. You only have to watch the World Cup calamity to realise that pulling on that jersey when you know you’ll win bugger all isn’t what it used to be. Play for England or for the sponsorship deals and wages that Prem clubs pay? Interesting. NOW, folks, I’ve been lookin’ at the squads in the Prem and how many home-grown players each has at this moment in time - and it works out that they have between them 621 squad members. How many are home-grown I ‘ear you ask? 152 - yes, 152. Now, we’re not talking top class footballers here - it includes all levels and all ages, and frankly, if you look closely at how many are capable of playing at the top level in the top European leagues, let alone the top 6 teams, you’ll cry. Mr Dyke sir, with the likes of QPR including, no, zip, nada, home-grown players in their squad, and Leicester having a lonely, sad individual, you have a hell of a job on. Better put down that cigar and brandy, pull your tongue from Sepp’s arse-cheeks, roll your sleeves up and get working. Or make yet another mess and laughing stock of the England team in 2022.
P.S. I told you Gerrard would retire, back in May. So there.
(insert your own raspberry sound here).
Tata for na peeps!
Dobbie
Anyway, a while ago I cast me eye over the new FA theory of how to encourage English players and youth in the leagues. Football Association chairman Greg Dyke outlined plans to introduce a division for Premier League 'B teams' beneath League Two. Fussball Dissociation chairbaker Greggs Bike decided that what footie needs is a new division consisting of Premier League 'B teams'. Despite the fact from mid-table downwards the Prem is already full of B teams.
The Fussball Dissociation commissars, namely Bike’s sidekicks Roland Rat and Kevin the Gerbil, reckon that this is to ‘improve English football and increase the number of home-grown players competing in the top flight’. How do these footballing geniuses plan on doing this you may ask. By implementing a new 'League Three' - their words - beneath League Two. This 'League Three', containing the 'B teams' would be ‘subject to promotion and relegation’. To quote the pastie-man himself: "We have had a lot of interest and enthusiasm from the big Premier League clubs about having B teams in a lower division. Liverpool, the Manchester clubs, Stoke, Tottenham have no problems in talking about it (key point here folks) and recognise the problems they have got. They are spending lots of money on youth development but don't have anywhere for these players to play before the first team.” Insert your own punchline folks.
He went on to say that: "It was agreed that by 2022 our target should be that there are 90 English players playing regularly in the top European leagues, compared with 66 today, and of those 90 we would want at least 30 playing in the top six teams." Keep those punchlines coming peeps.
Apparently, because this doesn’t already happen (?) the Fussball Dissociation commissars proposed loan partnerships between Premier League, Championship and lower league teams, as well as a reduction in non-home-grown players in top flight squads from 17 to 12 over five years. And this will benefit the England football team apparently, something that we will always have, cos it’s a national team. Every country has ‘em. Just because England don’t win bugger all, is that a reason to undermine the Premiership and its appeal to a world market? England still won’t win anything. The best English players will still move where they like for their own reasons. You only have to watch the World Cup calamity to realise that pulling on that jersey when you know you’ll win bugger all isn’t what it used to be. Play for England or for the sponsorship deals and wages that Prem clubs pay? Interesting. NOW, folks, I’ve been lookin’ at the squads in the Prem and how many home-grown players each has at this moment in time - and it works out that they have between them 621 squad members. How many are home-grown I ‘ear you ask? 152 - yes, 152. Now, we’re not talking top class footballers here - it includes all levels and all ages, and frankly, if you look closely at how many are capable of playing at the top level in the top European leagues, let alone the top 6 teams, you’ll cry. Mr Dyke sir, with the likes of QPR including, no, zip, nada, home-grown players in their squad, and Leicester having a lonely, sad individual, you have a hell of a job on. Better put down that cigar and brandy, pull your tongue from Sepp’s arse-cheeks, roll your sleeves up and get working. Or make yet another mess and laughing stock of the England team in 2022.
P.S. I told you Gerrard would retire, back in May. So there.
(insert your own raspberry sound here).
Tata for na peeps!
Dobbie
Sunday 20 July 2014
The Grant Gurnhill football and mayhem blog.
Arggggggggggggggggggggggggh! I’m back agen peeps! And sad to say, this is the last part o’ me inciteful - you know the score by now - look inta the teams in the Prem, finishing off wi’ the last but not least 5 teams.
To kick us off today we ‘ave those stalwarts of second-hand bargain basement players, Blunderland. They’ve only 26 players in the squad; 8 are homegrown, none on loan yet, but they will be. Only 6 of this lot are yet to start a game for the team. Biggest transfer? Well, I don’t see Moberg-Karlsson lighting up the Prem this season; although long-term he could be as important to them as Larsson’s been. Jordi Gomez may have a point or two to prove…
Next it’s Onesie City - as in ‘one season more and they’ll be in the Championship’. The wheels well and truly came off last season, and I don’t see them trying too hard in the transfer market to gain a reprieve from relegation this time around. They’ve still got a total of 32 players in the squad; yet only 8 are homegrown, none on loan yet. Only 8 of this lot are yet to start a game for the team. Biggest transfer? No marquee signings, unless you dredge the barrel for Fabianski in goal. Gomis may have turned a couple of heads this summer, but can he make the transition to English football? The jury’s still on holiday.
Now, on to Tittering Shitspurs. They’ve got a total of 35 players in the squad; and yet again, only 8 are homegrown, none on loan. Only 6 of this lot are yet to start a game for the team; not surprising after the massive influx of nobodies on the back of the Bale money last season. Biggest transfer? None, unsurprisingly. And after last season’s total cock-up, would any diamonds actually shine, buried in this pile of flotsam and jetsam?
Second to last, we come upon those mid-table maestros, West Sandwich Albumen. A staggeringly low 23 players in the squad; you can bet your bottom dollar there’ll be an influx come the window close, including a few loanees no doubt. 9 are homegrown, which is actually a good percentage compared to most teams. 7 of this lot are yet to start a game for the Albumen. Biggest transfer? At this ground, it’s never gonna happen, but no doubt the combination of the players that have come in to bolster the squad will prove effective, especially Lescott if he can stay fit.
Finally we come to the cannon fodder that is going to be; West Shambles. Gold-enballs and Dullivan will no doubt cock it up again, and no doubt they’ll make Big Sam pay for it before the season’s out. They’ve got a total of 28 players in the squad; but they’re gonna need Morrison fit again if they have any hope of surviving. A commendable 11 of this lot are homegrown, none on loan (yet of course). 9 of this 28 are yet to start a game for the team. Biggest transfer? Big Sam will need to hope that Mauro Zárate hits the ground running, adapts quickly and doesn’t get injured. Lletget could prove to be an important playmaker and cover for the defence from midfield, and old-boy Carroll must be due a good season for once if he’s not to be found back in the Championship next season, whether it’s with the Shambles or elsewhere.
And, for the final time, that’s it for tonight peeps. I’m off to me cot for a well-deserved shandy. Any o’ that lube left love?
See thee later wi’ me update on the shenanigans o’ Prem movers and shakers leading up to kick off in a few week’s time! It’s goona be imotionul - apparently. Ciao for now peeps!
Dobbie
To kick us off today we ‘ave those stalwarts of second-hand bargain basement players, Blunderland. They’ve only 26 players in the squad; 8 are homegrown, none on loan yet, but they will be. Only 6 of this lot are yet to start a game for the team. Biggest transfer? Well, I don’t see Moberg-Karlsson lighting up the Prem this season; although long-term he could be as important to them as Larsson’s been. Jordi Gomez may have a point or two to prove…
Next it’s Onesie City - as in ‘one season more and they’ll be in the Championship’. The wheels well and truly came off last season, and I don’t see them trying too hard in the transfer market to gain a reprieve from relegation this time around. They’ve still got a total of 32 players in the squad; yet only 8 are homegrown, none on loan yet. Only 8 of this lot are yet to start a game for the team. Biggest transfer? No marquee signings, unless you dredge the barrel for Fabianski in goal. Gomis may have turned a couple of heads this summer, but can he make the transition to English football? The jury’s still on holiday.
Now, on to Tittering Shitspurs. They’ve got a total of 35 players in the squad; and yet again, only 8 are homegrown, none on loan. Only 6 of this lot are yet to start a game for the team; not surprising after the massive influx of nobodies on the back of the Bale money last season. Biggest transfer? None, unsurprisingly. And after last season’s total cock-up, would any diamonds actually shine, buried in this pile of flotsam and jetsam?
Second to last, we come upon those mid-table maestros, West Sandwich Albumen. A staggeringly low 23 players in the squad; you can bet your bottom dollar there’ll be an influx come the window close, including a few loanees no doubt. 9 are homegrown, which is actually a good percentage compared to most teams. 7 of this lot are yet to start a game for the Albumen. Biggest transfer? At this ground, it’s never gonna happen, but no doubt the combination of the players that have come in to bolster the squad will prove effective, especially Lescott if he can stay fit.
Finally we come to the cannon fodder that is going to be; West Shambles. Gold-enballs and Dullivan will no doubt cock it up again, and no doubt they’ll make Big Sam pay for it before the season’s out. They’ve got a total of 28 players in the squad; but they’re gonna need Morrison fit again if they have any hope of surviving. A commendable 11 of this lot are homegrown, none on loan (yet of course). 9 of this 28 are yet to start a game for the team. Biggest transfer? Big Sam will need to hope that Mauro Zárate hits the ground running, adapts quickly and doesn’t get injured. Lletget could prove to be an important playmaker and cover for the defence from midfield, and old-boy Carroll must be due a good season for once if he’s not to be found back in the Championship next season, whether it’s with the Shambles or elsewhere.
And, for the final time, that’s it for tonight peeps. I’m off to me cot for a well-deserved shandy. Any o’ that lube left love?
See thee later wi’ me update on the shenanigans o’ Prem movers and shakers leading up to kick off in a few week’s time! It’s goona be imotionul - apparently. Ciao for now peeps!
Dobbie
Wednesday 16 July 2014
The Grant Gurnhill football and mayhem blog.
Wagawagawagawagawagapeeps! No - not me missus! I’m back again and this is the pentul-penultyt-penny…second ta last part o’ me insightful look inta more teams in the Prem.
First we ‘ave the mighty Mantreasurechester City, Champions o’ Prem. 34 players in the squad, 8 are homegrown, none on loan (perish the thought!). Only 6 of this lot are yet to start a game for the team. Biggest transfer? Don’t be daft. Unless Messi, Neymar Jr or Ronaldo join this lot, there’s no one player bigger than what they’ve already got. But, with bottomless pockets, you never know…
You can guess who’s next alphabetispaghettically - Man Reunited - but will they be this season under Van Ghoul? 34 players in the squad, 10 are homegrown, none on loan. 11 of this lot are yet to start a game for the team. Biggest transfer? I’m sure there’ll be more movement yet once Van Ghoul gets into the groove, but no doubt the critics will be keeping an eye on whether Angeldelight Henriquez can challenge Van Persie, and whether Luke Bernard Shaw can write his own Red Devil legacy.
Next, that lot from the old French League, or Pewkcastle if you like. 35 players in the squad, 7 are homegrown (10 French and 11 English if you’re counting), none on loan (perish the thought!). Only 9 of this lot are yet to start a game for the team. Biggest transfer? No doubt Perez and De Jongyjongybongybongbong are gonna be fighting for a start up front. Unless he’s brave enough to start ‘em both together…
Now - Queens Park Deranged. 32 players in the squad. Y’all ready for this? None, zero, zip, nada are homegrown. None on loan (yet…). Half of this lot (16) are yet to start a game for the team. Biggest transfer? Believe it or not, I’m going for the octogenarian, Richard Dunne.
Next, the cannon-fodder of the league, whose goalkeepers are no doubt looking into the small print and get-out clauses in their contracts right now. Who wants the record for most goals against EVER? Now that Ditherfool have adopted all this lots’ waifs and strays, they are left with 25 - yes, a mere 25 - players in the squad. Yes peeps, it can only be GoingsouthtotheChampionship fasthampton. 6 are homegrown, none on loan yet, but it’ll happen. Only 4 of this lot are yet to start a game for the team, which speaks volumes. Biggest transfer? Call me Devil’s Advocate, but my money’s on Sharpe (I always did like Sean Bean…)
Finally for tonight, Steak City. Cutting it fine so far with 27 players in the squad, but a commendable 13 homegrown, yet to get loanees, a respectable 5 to start for them. No real biggest transfer, but, as expected, a shrewd transfer policy that has strengthened the whole squad with no marquee signing yet. Clever, and a shrewd move to keep their Prem record going. Expect more last minute arrivals.
Yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn! Once again that’s it for tonight peeps. I’m off to me cot for a well-deserved slurp of the hot stuff. And boy is she hot lads! Pass me the lube! See thee on t’other side!
Be back tomorrow wi’ yet another load o’ incitefullness - yes, you read that word reet yet again folks. Tata for now!
Dobbie
First we ‘ave the mighty Mantreasurechester City, Champions o’ Prem. 34 players in the squad, 8 are homegrown, none on loan (perish the thought!). Only 6 of this lot are yet to start a game for the team. Biggest transfer? Don’t be daft. Unless Messi, Neymar Jr or Ronaldo join this lot, there’s no one player bigger than what they’ve already got. But, with bottomless pockets, you never know…
You can guess who’s next alphabetispaghettically - Man Reunited - but will they be this season under Van Ghoul? 34 players in the squad, 10 are homegrown, none on loan. 11 of this lot are yet to start a game for the team. Biggest transfer? I’m sure there’ll be more movement yet once Van Ghoul gets into the groove, but no doubt the critics will be keeping an eye on whether Angeldelight Henriquez can challenge Van Persie, and whether Luke Bernard Shaw can write his own Red Devil legacy.
Next, that lot from the old French League, or Pewkcastle if you like. 35 players in the squad, 7 are homegrown (10 French and 11 English if you’re counting), none on loan (perish the thought!). Only 9 of this lot are yet to start a game for the team. Biggest transfer? No doubt Perez and De Jongyjongybongybongbong are gonna be fighting for a start up front. Unless he’s brave enough to start ‘em both together…
Now - Queens Park Deranged. 32 players in the squad. Y’all ready for this? None, zero, zip, nada are homegrown. None on loan (yet…). Half of this lot (16) are yet to start a game for the team. Biggest transfer? Believe it or not, I’m going for the octogenarian, Richard Dunne.
Next, the cannon-fodder of the league, whose goalkeepers are no doubt looking into the small print and get-out clauses in their contracts right now. Who wants the record for most goals against EVER? Now that Ditherfool have adopted all this lots’ waifs and strays, they are left with 25 - yes, a mere 25 - players in the squad. Yes peeps, it can only be GoingsouthtotheChampionship fasthampton. 6 are homegrown, none on loan yet, but it’ll happen. Only 4 of this lot are yet to start a game for the team, which speaks volumes. Biggest transfer? Call me Devil’s Advocate, but my money’s on Sharpe (I always did like Sean Bean…)
Finally for tonight, Steak City. Cutting it fine so far with 27 players in the squad, but a commendable 13 homegrown, yet to get loanees, a respectable 5 to start for them. No real biggest transfer, but, as expected, a shrewd transfer policy that has strengthened the whole squad with no marquee signing yet. Clever, and a shrewd move to keep their Prem record going. Expect more last minute arrivals.
Yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn! Once again that’s it for tonight peeps. I’m off to me cot for a well-deserved slurp of the hot stuff. And boy is she hot lads! Pass me the lube! See thee on t’other side!
Be back tomorrow wi’ yet another load o’ incitefullness - yes, you read that word reet yet again folks. Tata for now!
Dobbie
Tuesday 15 July 2014
The Grant Gurnhill football and mayhem blog.
Aieeeeeeeeee! Peeps! And welcome back ta Part 2 - or as the Frenchies say, Part D’uh - o’ me insightful look inta more teams in the Prem.
Next up is Neverton - 31 players, 7 home-grown, no Loan-in players - yet; lol. Have 8 players yet to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Er...I think Toffee fans are wondering who it might be as well - eventually. Lots of speculation and rumour but bugger all movement - Billy Kennelwright reckons no news is good news - for his bank manager perhaps, but not his team manager. Get bloody spending you tightwad!
Dull City - or the Lemurs, Panthers, Sloths; whatever they’re called this week - 27 players, 13 - yes, 13 home-grown, no Loan-in players - as yet. Have 6 players yet to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Got to be Tommy Ince by an inch-high-private-eye-mile. This season could break him big or break him into little pieces never to recover.
Uncle Feicester City - 26 players, a shocking 1 home-grown, no Loan-in players - yet, but it’ll happen when this lot prove to be useless. Have an unbelievable - well, EVERY player is yet to start a game for ‘em of course. Biggest transfer? Buggered if anyone knows, but my money for a decent return is Ted Nugent - no; Taylor-Fletcher-Taylor. No; Nugent - oh, buggered if I know.
Finally for tonight, A-Lois-Sewerageless-Ditherfool - 35 players, 10 home-grown, no Loan-in players. Have 7 players yet to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? That guy from Southampton. What do you mean, ‘which one?’ Ooooh, you cynics, you.
And once more that’s it for tonight peeps. I’m off to me cot for a well-deserved cup o’ cocoa. I think she were called Coco, anyhow. See thee on t’other side!
Be back tomorrow wi’ yet another load o’ incitefullness - yes, you read that word reet again folks. Tata for now!
Dobbie
Next up is Neverton - 31 players, 7 home-grown, no Loan-in players - yet; lol. Have 8 players yet to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Er...I think Toffee fans are wondering who it might be as well - eventually. Lots of speculation and rumour but bugger all movement - Billy Kennelwright reckons no news is good news - for his bank manager perhaps, but not his team manager. Get bloody spending you tightwad!
Dull City - or the Lemurs, Panthers, Sloths; whatever they’re called this week - 27 players, 13 - yes, 13 home-grown, no Loan-in players - as yet. Have 6 players yet to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Got to be Tommy Ince by an inch-high-private-eye-mile. This season could break him big or break him into little pieces never to recover.
Uncle Feicester City - 26 players, a shocking 1 home-grown, no Loan-in players - yet, but it’ll happen when this lot prove to be useless. Have an unbelievable - well, EVERY player is yet to start a game for ‘em of course. Biggest transfer? Buggered if anyone knows, but my money for a decent return is Ted Nugent - no; Taylor-Fletcher-Taylor. No; Nugent - oh, buggered if I know.
Finally for tonight, A-Lois-Sewerageless-Ditherfool - 35 players, 10 home-grown, no Loan-in players. Have 7 players yet to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? That guy from Southampton. What do you mean, ‘which one?’ Ooooh, you cynics, you.
And once more that’s it for tonight peeps. I’m off to me cot for a well-deserved cup o’ cocoa. I think she were called Coco, anyhow. See thee on t’other side!
Be back tomorrow wi’ yet another load o’ incitefullness - yes, you read that word reet again folks. Tata for now!
Dobbie
Monday 14 July 2014
World Cup Final review
Dobbie is back from Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazil wi’ a heck of a tan and itchy pants (but that’s another story - she were very butch though…).
And so the World Cupeo ground to a halt wi’ the eventual winners Germany overcoming all-comers to grab the trophy and seal another star on their shirts.
Argentina - especially Higuerotten - will be kicking - and probably missing - themselves after such lacklustre finishing in front of the onion bag. Germany had 3 attempts on target first half - the Argies none! And yet Germany coulda bin 3 down by then! Bloomin’ ‘eck I tell thee! Cracking finish to quite an exciting game though - heading for penalties before an awesome strike by beardy wonder Goatie handed the trophy to the Germans. And Messi still got Golden Ball for player o’ tournament - eh?
As Kurt Cobain once said - Nevermind.
So - back to reality and the Prem! Wi’ several weeks to go afore the league kicks off, I thought I’d cast me expert eye o’er the comings and goings at the teams lined up agen each other next season. It’ll be interesting to see how me punditry and predictions o’ last season have unhinged the managers trying desperately to make it through a full season unsacked, and affected their transfer policies and targets. Not to mention what donkeys I slammed they’ve wised up to and decided to offload instead o’ carrying the idle turds another season (Mourinho obviously read me blog last year…). In order to be democratic (whatever that is, but it sounds good, as Tony Blair once said to me), I’m gonna look at ‘em in alphabetispaghetti order. Or summat. And I’m gonna be looking at how many players they’ve got in their entire squads that are home-grown. Should be an eye-oppener.
Here goes peeps - hang on tight to yer britches.
Arsenil - 36 players, 4 home-grown, no Loan-in players. Have 11 players yet to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Must be Alexis Sanchez, up front. And he’s got to be better than Mr Potatohead himself - Oliver Gourd.
Aston Vanilla - 35 players, 12 home-grown, no Loan-in players yet. Have 7 players still to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Believe it or not - Joe Coleslaw, midfield.
Burnsley - 29 players, 2 home-grown, no Loan-in players yet. Have 28 - yes, 28 - players still to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Ross William Braveheart Wallace? Your guess is as good as mine peeps. This could be an unmitigated disaster with this much coming and going and the first season back in the big time. Or they could do a Blackpool in their first season. Be worth a cheeky punt at the bookies to stay up. But I wouldn’t put me mortgage on ‘em.
Chelski - 41 players, 4 home-grown, Loan-in players? As if! Have 14 players still to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Cesc Faberge could be one of the players of the Prem this season. Maybe. And at least they robbed - I mean ‘sold’ - PSG that wonderkid of the World Cup, David Sideshow Bob Luiz. Cough, cough, cough…
Chrysophase Palace - 30 players, 11 home-grown, no Loan-in players as of now. Have 7 players yet to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Well, they seem to like young England players - Jack Hunt could be a diamond ready to shine. Time will tell.
That’s it for tonight peeps. I’m off to me cot for a well deserved shag - I mean - kip. Bloody jet-lag does me every time I tell thee.
Be back tomorrow wi’ me next lot o’ incitefullness - yes, you read that word reet. Tata for now peeps!
Dobbie
And so the World Cupeo ground to a halt wi’ the eventual winners Germany overcoming all-comers to grab the trophy and seal another star on their shirts.
Argentina - especially Higuerotten - will be kicking - and probably missing - themselves after such lacklustre finishing in front of the onion bag. Germany had 3 attempts on target first half - the Argies none! And yet Germany coulda bin 3 down by then! Bloomin’ ‘eck I tell thee! Cracking finish to quite an exciting game though - heading for penalties before an awesome strike by beardy wonder Goatie handed the trophy to the Germans. And Messi still got Golden Ball for player o’ tournament - eh?
As Kurt Cobain once said - Nevermind.
So - back to reality and the Prem! Wi’ several weeks to go afore the league kicks off, I thought I’d cast me expert eye o’er the comings and goings at the teams lined up agen each other next season. It’ll be interesting to see how me punditry and predictions o’ last season have unhinged the managers trying desperately to make it through a full season unsacked, and affected their transfer policies and targets. Not to mention what donkeys I slammed they’ve wised up to and decided to offload instead o’ carrying the idle turds another season (Mourinho obviously read me blog last year…). In order to be democratic (whatever that is, but it sounds good, as Tony Blair once said to me), I’m gonna look at ‘em in alphabetispaghetti order. Or summat. And I’m gonna be looking at how many players they’ve got in their entire squads that are home-grown. Should be an eye-oppener.
Here goes peeps - hang on tight to yer britches.
Arsenil - 36 players, 4 home-grown, no Loan-in players. Have 11 players yet to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Must be Alexis Sanchez, up front. And he’s got to be better than Mr Potatohead himself - Oliver Gourd.
Aston Vanilla - 35 players, 12 home-grown, no Loan-in players yet. Have 7 players still to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Believe it or not - Joe Coleslaw, midfield.
Burnsley - 29 players, 2 home-grown, no Loan-in players yet. Have 28 - yes, 28 - players still to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Ross William Braveheart Wallace? Your guess is as good as mine peeps. This could be an unmitigated disaster with this much coming and going and the first season back in the big time. Or they could do a Blackpool in their first season. Be worth a cheeky punt at the bookies to stay up. But I wouldn’t put me mortgage on ‘em.
Chelski - 41 players, 4 home-grown, Loan-in players? As if! Have 14 players still to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Cesc Faberge could be one of the players of the Prem this season. Maybe. And at least they robbed - I mean ‘sold’ - PSG that wonderkid of the World Cup, David Sideshow Bob Luiz. Cough, cough, cough…
Chrysophase Palace - 30 players, 11 home-grown, no Loan-in players as of now. Have 7 players yet to start a game for ‘em. Biggest transfer? Well, they seem to like young England players - Jack Hunt could be a diamond ready to shine. Time will tell.
That’s it for tonight peeps. I’m off to me cot for a well deserved shag - I mean - kip. Bloody jet-lag does me every time I tell thee.
Be back tomorrow wi’ me next lot o’ incitefullness - yes, you read that word reet. Tata for now peeps!
Dobbie
Sunday 13 July 2014
World Cup 2014 final
Wahay peeps! After all these weeks of footie, we finally
made it to the final!
And a nail-biter it will be folks - unless you’re Lois
Sewerage; in which case it will be shoulder biting.
So, a quick recap on the doings of the last few games.
Well, I called Brazil and Colombia to progress, and the
Netherlands and Costa Rica. Bingo!
But, and this could get embarrassing - let’s look back at
the expert - ahem - predictions of me; DobberteoSavageo.
This is how I called it:
Mexico - Quarters - whoopseo!
Netherlands - Semi-finalists if they keep key players fit and off the
cards.Get in!
Colombia - Quarters.Back of the
net!
France - Outsiders for the semis methinks.Whew! Well done boys - you didn’t let me down!
Argentina - Finalists. Mouth-watering prospect - can he(Messi) finally put the demons to bed?No brainer really.
Belgium - Quarters?Not doing too
bad, am I?
Germany - Semi-finalists where they’ll be unlocked by moments of sheer
class.Oooooooooooh - I really thought
they’d fall at the final hurdle. Maybe if the opposition had bothered to turn
up…
Not bad punditry if I do say so myself!
Although I deliberately left these jokers till last - Brazil. How wrong
could I be? But not as wrong as Big Phil and his game-plan; if he even had one! I just feel sorry for Julio
Cesar who will forever be remembered for letting so many past him, at home, in
the semis. He was not, in my opinion, to blame for any of the goals - but his non-existent team were. Shocking. My
heart goes out to him.
And so to the Semis - close your eyes or look away now if you’re of a
Brazilian persuasion.
Argentina finally limped through to the final that will finally decide Messi’s place in the
pantheon of footballing gods - or not. He may have helped pull his team through
by their bootlaces so far, but he’s gonna have to be at his majestic,
breath-taking best to beat these Teutonic bulldozers - Germany will not be
fearing Argentina after:
1.
Argentina’s performances so far
2.
Crushing Brazil
in their own back yard, in the semis
Back to the other semi, and what an unexpected spectacle we witnessed. I
can absolutely guarantee that no bookie on the planet would have let you bet on
that score-line. They’d have looked
at you sideways, taken pity on your poor, deluded mental state, and rung for
the men in white coats to take you away. Immediately. This is the end of
Brazilian football as we know it. And their arrogance.
But the Brazilians are not the only casualties in this tournament. Italy
and England made poor showings (although I doubt if many England fans were surprised).
Perhaps the second biggest shock (or biggest if you’re Spanish) of the
tournament, was the holders performing so poorly, and with so little class or
flair. Is this the end of tic-a-tac-a football? Germany seem to be proving so.
So peeps, sit back and relax, feet up, beer or wine in hand, and enjoy
what could possibly be one of the best matches (and especially finals) for many
a year. We can only hope that it lives up to its mouth-watering potential! See
you on the other side folks!!
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