The GrantGurnhill football, music and mayhem blog

Hello, good moaning and welcome to The Gardens of Delight. Hope you are well this wonderful day. First topic splashing round in the water-feature of popular culture is TV advertising. WTF? Do these people really think that this is an art-form? Retards. I saw the Peugeot ad the other day - apparently all the guff they've adjusted on their tin can brings the road as close as the hairs on your skin. Bulls**t it does. The ad message doesn't even make sense. Get a life. The Mirror? 'Makes you think'. Makes you think???? Boll***s. It makes you think 'whatever happened to real investigative journalism'. Rehashed stories from previous day's papers, half-naked bodies and Z list celebrities with their 'struggles to survive in today's harsh world'. Get a real life. Your readership knows what it means to struggle to survive in today's harsh world, not the vacuous airheads and nobodies that pass for stars these days. Makes you think? Makes you think you need to spend money on something other than patronising sh*t that treats you like a thicko. Rant over. Now over to the footballroom and Tango specialist, Mr Dobbie Savage!!!!!

Cheers Russ!!! Take your mardy cardy off mate!!!

 Hi everybody!! Me again!!

Many would say that me career’s been like me backside all me life – on the slide – wahay! Sliding on me backside to make last ditch tackles, then sitting on me backside talking pure genius insights and sense on TV (any programme I can crowbar meself into, like). Now, I’ve got me backside in the world record books – yahoo! As I’m sure y’all know, I beat Old Sheep Shearer, me old mucker Al, to get me awesome arse onto as many seats as possible in the shortest time at Wemberleeee. Don’t listen to anyone else like – I smashed it! Old Sheep Shearer was nowhere near me, I’ll tell ya. Poor Al; he spent 30 years at his beloved hometown club Pewkcastle, and the only thing he ever got were a bottle from Kevin Keegan. And the poor bugger lost it after Christmas…

I see Mandy Carroll finally got his alice-band onto a ball and stuck it away, away, away-ooooo. Good for him – though I think his head’s swelling from the impact. He seems to think he deserves a seat on the plane to Braaaa-zil. Yeah – and then a seat in the stand; tickets ain’t cheap Mandy!

Celebrity spotting now. I was out the other night and saw Man Nolongerunited Leg-End, RSVP - Robin' Van Parts - in da club. Mad as hell he was – couldn’t find any space on the dancefloor – and it was his fave Prodigy song too! ‘Everybody’s in my place.’

 Breaking news! After his embarrassing arrest during Sports Relief, me old mate Gazza Grab-bag Lineker will be sentenced today for being an accomplice in the mass murder of musical notes. Poor Gazza! Hope they don’t give him the ultimate sentence – a year in the stands at Old Trafford – no-one deserves that punishment…

 Anyway, finally we come to my footballroom dance track of the week. Now, I was tempted to go with Jelly Clarkson and ‘Backside’, bearing in mind me awesomeness at breaking world records this week (I don’t know if I mentioned it…). But no; this week’s awesome footballroom dance track of the week is – Alex Gawd-ohnoitsmoyes with ‘Destination Championship’. Take it away Sir Alex!

‘Relegation unknown!

Moyes left old Goodison, his job, and his home
Leavin' for  relegation but the fool he still don't know
Somewhere nobody must have heard of him at all
And if you like him you can follow him
So let's go!
Follow Moyes and let's go!
To the place where he belongs
And leave your troubles at home
Come with Moyes, you can go
To a paradise of no wins at all
Cos he’s the Chosen One!

Now Moyes won't feel those heavy shoulders no more
His life got better now he finally enjoys
Yes all other teams wanna come here and win
Come on and join us, you can do that now each game
Let's go, follow Moyes and let's go!
To the place where you can’t lose
And leave your troubles at home
Come with me, we can go
To a paradise of easy points
Just off Chester Road!

Relegation unknown!’

 Classic!!! Cheers for that Alex. The rest of the Prem’s dancing with delight now.

Now check out the video below – it’s hotter than a Scotch Bonnet!!!!!


Tata for now, footie lovers!!

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Thanks Dobbie - I think...

Greatest news of the day - not only are Metallica, Alice In Chains and Mastodon playing Knebworth in July, but Kate Bush - yes; KATE BUSH - will be performing her first live gigs since 1979 - yes; 1979!!!!! God only knows how much those tickets are gonna cost me and the wife!!!!!!

And finally, on the swings of artistic intuition, we find the following offering.

Thank you, and goodnight!